"You don' hate me do ya?" I figured I gotta ask sometime. The question is there anyway, even if my lips is sealed. Lloyd an' I been walkin' in silence fo' some time now, Mary trailin' behind us like a sulkin' shadow. She keeps fallin' mo' an' mo behind, though not as fa as Cecile had just that once. But basically she's left me an' my maybe future husban' who hates me alone. But even askin' the question, don' mean he gonna come righ' out an' tell me the answer. He'll lie I sure- but maybe jus' maybe I be able to see from his eyes.
"'Course I don' hate you." He turn away from me as he say it though, up to the sun an' God an' all them stars. I can't tell if he lyin', but bein' honest to myself it don't sound like no truth. 'Sides all that- he don't even say nothin' after.
"You kno' you awfully quite today."
He grunts, shruggin'- pickin' up 'is pace slightly. I sigh, annoyed an' a bit embarrassed as he jus' charge ahead not even waitin' fo' me. Wha' kinda man do that?- not even Samuel- who colored an' all have that little a chivalry.
"Alrigh'- I give up."
But he don' hear me cause he ain't even listenin'. He up standin'- watchin' them slaves work over the cotton- watchin' the Mistress who watch over them. I bet Lloyd fancy the Mistress- she even mo' pretty than I an' is the exact lady any southern man would want. She subservient when daddy 'round, an' prays an' looks after slaves an' jus' is everythin' I ain't. But, I guess, I don' wanna be like 'er, cause she evil an' all. I dunno, maybe I don' want Lloyd after all. At least Mista Smith old- when he die soon, I'll be free to marry no one. I can jus' say I grievin', so hard that I can't never marry no man 'gain.
I drop back an' let Mary catch up with me- though she awful slow. An' when she do- she ain't much better company than Lloyd. To be honset- I wish I could jus' go with Cecile or Samuel right now, at least when they talk to me- they don' treat me like I a complete mess up.
"If you was jus'...
"I don' wanna hear it," I say to interrupt Mary's new theory on why Lloyd jus' bein' rude. She always say 'round the same thin'- that I too unlady like, or I too smart, or I like Cecile too much, or my dress ain't lon' enough- my corset ain't tight enough. I jus' ain't enough fo' him.
"I am only tryin' to help." But she smug, cause she think I get everythin' always, an' it nice fo' her to see that that jus' ain't so.