Church on Sunday is much of the same. Mary an' I forced into our prettyist dresses, the strings of our corsets tied real tight, flies buzzin' round our well-done hair as we fake payin' attention. Daddy leaves early- murmurin' some excuse 'bout slaves not doin' their work, an' the Mistress volunteers her own prayer 'bout a child.
After she done with her speech, is usually 'bout the time I start my own in my head, askin' God to forgot everythin' she jus' said but I jus' too exhausted to do it today. I haven't been graced with sleep in a lon' while- thoughts of everythin' whirlin' round and round my head keepin' me up inta the wee hours of the night, when the sun and moon switch places.
I recently decided, las' nigh' actually, that I've gone mad. Nothin' makes sense no more- cause even when I try an' read some Austen I can't stop thinkin'. I don't know what's right no more an' what's wron' and who's right an' wrong an' I don't know why I even bother thinkin' bout it. It ain't like I got no power to change it. It ain't like I got no power at all.
"I'll see ya'll next Sunday," The preacher tells us, finally lettin' us escape this dang heat that's risen up since the passin' of the storm. I like it fo' the most part- cept when I stay in the path of the sun too lon' and get all wet. Then it ain't fun no more.
The Mistress tells us to rise, cause it ain't like we know to do that on our own, an' leads us out the church, through the clump of slaves that wait outside fo' us to be done. They used to have their own preacher but daddy said that he was spolin' their minds with evil, so they had to go back to ours. None of them were too happy 'bout that- daddy said they kicked up a fuss though I really don't see why. Or at least I didn't. Now- in my confused mind I kinda see why'd they miss 'em. But I dunno- I still don't think is was worth gettin' huffy 'bout.
Mary an' The Mistress- who are some what afraid of the bigger slaves walk real fast, leavin' me behind. Miss. Lizabeth ain't no where in site neither. I pause an' look round fo' Cecile- cause on some weird level though she gottin' me thinkin' all confused- she the only one that make sense 'round here.
"You still need me fo' tomorrow?"
I turn 'round, real fast, my heart jumpin' way down through my legs. My hand instantly goes to my chest, feelin' to make sure I still alive an' ain't dead from fright. Samuel stares back at me, a slight smile on 'is face, an' fo' some unbeknown reason- I return it. I real glad he alive an' able to smile- even if he 'is jus' a slave.
After she done with her speech, is usually 'bout the time I start my own in my head, askin' God to forgot everythin' she jus' said but I jus' too exhausted to do it today. I haven't been graced with sleep in a lon' while- thoughts of everythin' whirlin' round and round my head keepin' me up inta the wee hours of the night, when the sun and moon switch places.
I recently decided, las' nigh' actually, that I've gone mad. Nothin' makes sense no more- cause even when I try an' read some Austen I can't stop thinkin'. I don't know what's right no more an' what's wron' and who's right an' wrong an' I don't know why I even bother thinkin' bout it. It ain't like I got no power to change it. It ain't like I got no power at all.
"I'll see ya'll next Sunday," The preacher tells us, finally lettin' us escape this dang heat that's risen up since the passin' of the storm. I like it fo' the most part- cept when I stay in the path of the sun too lon' and get all wet. Then it ain't fun no more.
The Mistress tells us to rise, cause it ain't like we know to do that on our own, an' leads us out the church, through the clump of slaves that wait outside fo' us to be done. They used to have their own preacher but daddy said that he was spolin' their minds with evil, so they had to go back to ours. None of them were too happy 'bout that- daddy said they kicked up a fuss though I really don't see why. Or at least I didn't. Now- in my confused mind I kinda see why'd they miss 'em. But I dunno- I still don't think is was worth gettin' huffy 'bout.
Mary an' The Mistress- who are some what afraid of the bigger slaves walk real fast, leavin' me behind. Miss. Lizabeth ain't no where in site neither. I pause an' look round fo' Cecile- cause on some weird level though she gottin' me thinkin' all confused- she the only one that make sense 'round here.
"You still need me fo' tomorrow?"
I turn 'round, real fast, my heart jumpin' way down through my legs. My hand instantly goes to my chest, feelin' to make sure I still alive an' ain't dead from fright. Samuel stares back at me, a slight smile on 'is face, an' fo' some unbeknown reason- I return it. I real glad he alive an' able to smile- even if he 'is jus' a slave.
