Maybe this ain't a good idea. I shouldn't have ever agreed to this- I mean, he a slave. A slave! An' I gonna get writin' lessons from 'em? That don't make no sense. Slaves ain't smart- they stupid. Real stupid. But at the same time- what other choice do I got? Daddy won't teach me, an' Miss. Lizabeth would report back to daddy if I even asked. An' Samuel did tutor some kids before, or at least that what he said. So he should be plenty smart. I think.
Oh, dear Lord, please help me in this time. I dunno what to do- please God give me a sign. Should I meet 'em or no? Should I stay with Lloyd in the parlor- sin' fo' 'em? Make 'im love me so I don't gotta marry Mista Smith? God I need your help.
"You comin'?" Mary asks, peakin' 'er out the parlor door. She in there with the rest of the family, an' Lloyd, 'is father an' Mista Smith. She been rather nice to me since las' night. An' I admit I real glad it happened- we ain't great sisters still but at least we kno' we love each other. At least we kno' we got each other.
"I think I'll get some fresh air- I feelin' kinda woozy," I lie, then an' there decidin'. I didn't get no sign from God, 'cept the feelin' in my gut that told me I'd regret it if I didn't go.
"Oh, you alrigh'?"
"Yeah," I say, "I'll be fine after some air. Jus' tell daddy that I upstairs."
I shoulda lied to Mary an' told 'er I was goin' to bed. She don't like deceivin' daddy, an' I shouldn't 'ave asked 'er to do that. But I don't take the words back after they come outta my mouth. I min' as well see where our bond ends.
"L-Lie to daddy?"
"I wouldn't have asked, if I didn't think daddy would worry over nothin'. I fine- really, but I jus' wanna be alone. An' you kno' as well as I that he'd sen' someone after me."
"Yeah- but he daddy an'..." She don't gotta finish 'er sentence. I kno' that he daddy an' she jus' want him to love 'er. Lyin' won't help in that department.
"I'll go upstairs," I say, walkin' over to the staircase. "I actually decided that a good rest would do me well, mo' so than fresh air."
She can tell I'm lyin', but she nods anyways- reassured that she ain't directly lyin' to daddy. If he do fin' out- I lied to 'er first.
Maybe Mary not wantin' to lie to daddy was a sign, maybe I should jus' go to sleep early tonigh'- in my own bed. Maybe daddy righ'- an' God don't love no colored man. But righ' now, God is wron'. I gotta write to my brother, I gotta, an' if Samuel the only one willin' to help then so be it.
Oh, dear Lord, please help me in this time. I dunno what to do- please God give me a sign. Should I meet 'em or no? Should I stay with Lloyd in the parlor- sin' fo' 'em? Make 'im love me so I don't gotta marry Mista Smith? God I need your help.
"You comin'?" Mary asks, peakin' 'er out the parlor door. She in there with the rest of the family, an' Lloyd, 'is father an' Mista Smith. She been rather nice to me since las' night. An' I admit I real glad it happened- we ain't great sisters still but at least we kno' we love each other. At least we kno' we got each other.
"I think I'll get some fresh air- I feelin' kinda woozy," I lie, then an' there decidin'. I didn't get no sign from God, 'cept the feelin' in my gut that told me I'd regret it if I didn't go.
"Oh, you alrigh'?"
"Yeah," I say, "I'll be fine after some air. Jus' tell daddy that I upstairs."
I shoulda lied to Mary an' told 'er I was goin' to bed. She don't like deceivin' daddy, an' I shouldn't 'ave asked 'er to do that. But I don't take the words back after they come outta my mouth. I min' as well see where our bond ends.
"L-Lie to daddy?"
"I wouldn't have asked, if I didn't think daddy would worry over nothin'. I fine- really, but I jus' wanna be alone. An' you kno' as well as I that he'd sen' someone after me."
"Yeah- but he daddy an'..." She don't gotta finish 'er sentence. I kno' that he daddy an' she jus' want him to love 'er. Lyin' won't help in that department.
"I'll go upstairs," I say, walkin' over to the staircase. "I actually decided that a good rest would do me well, mo' so than fresh air."
She can tell I'm lyin', but she nods anyways- reassured that she ain't directly lyin' to daddy. If he do fin' out- I lied to 'er first.
Maybe Mary not wantin' to lie to daddy was a sign, maybe I should jus' go to sleep early tonigh'- in my own bed. Maybe daddy righ'- an' God don't love no colored man. But righ' now, God is wron'. I gotta write to my brother, I gotta, an' if Samuel the only one willin' to help then so be it.
