Although it don’t really solve nothin’, I feel so grateful to Mary at the moment. She ain’t one to lie, so that a real big deal. I guess I ain’t the only one tryin’ to be a sister.
“I am feelin’ ill,” I say, a lie but not really. An’ if there’s gotta be a lie, I’d rather be tellin’ one to Mary, then her riskin’ her mental state an’ tellin’ one to daddy.
“You body?” She ask, “Where?”
I detangle myself from her, an’ cup my forehead with my hands. “Here,” I whisper. An’ that one ain’t even a lie.
I left alone after that, Mary's lips findin' my cheek, an' then her hand on my door an' her body gone far away. I try an' fall ta sleep first, closin' my eyes an' tryin' to think pretty little thoughts, like a lady. I imagine dresses, an' ball gowns, flowers, an' roses. Kisses an' weddings.
But none of them thoughts stick, an' I left lyin' awake on my bed, wishin' I could step outside my mind fo' a bit.
It would be nice to be Mary, who's accepted where she is, an' don't really wanna fight it. She kno' she a lady, who supposed to hate them blacks, an' she does- very well. Life'd be easier if I could jus hate Cecile an' Samuel an' love my daddy. I don't understand why I even like them to begin with, an' I don't try too hard to think of it.
Eventually, when it supper time, I drift inta a world a sleep. But it ain't a lady's dream.
I'm standin' in daddy's plantation, a white dress with no corset. My hair is coiled round and round my head, braids interwoven with blonde curls. There diamonds in my hair too, shiny 'gainst the sun. I look beautiful, I feel it too.
Then walk in Lloyd, basket a flower in his hands. He look fresh, young an' beautiful. His eyes are shinin' like the diamonds in my hair. But fo' some reason I don't wanna be near 'em.
"Fo' you'" he say, kissin' the side my cheek. "To you my beautiful wife."
At that moment, I suddenly have a ring on my finger, fo' my marriage. An'my belly grow, fo' our baby. He put his hand on my stomach, an' smile real big.
"An' fo' me baby."
That when Samuel walk in, all rugged an' tough, both his hands workin'. In the light he look even darker than he do at night, his skin almos' glowin'. It him I wanna kiss, an' when I run up, I hear a shot fired. An' then Samuel, dead in my arms.
“I am feelin’ ill,” I say, a lie but not really. An’ if there’s gotta be a lie, I’d rather be tellin’ one to Mary, then her riskin’ her mental state an’ tellin’ one to daddy.
“You body?” She ask, “Where?”
I detangle myself from her, an’ cup my forehead with my hands. “Here,” I whisper. An’ that one ain’t even a lie.
I left alone after that, Mary's lips findin' my cheek, an' then her hand on my door an' her body gone far away. I try an' fall ta sleep first, closin' my eyes an' tryin' to think pretty little thoughts, like a lady. I imagine dresses, an' ball gowns, flowers, an' roses. Kisses an' weddings.
But none of them thoughts stick, an' I left lyin' awake on my bed, wishin' I could step outside my mind fo' a bit.
It would be nice to be Mary, who's accepted where she is, an' don't really wanna fight it. She kno' she a lady, who supposed to hate them blacks, an' she does- very well. Life'd be easier if I could jus hate Cecile an' Samuel an' love my daddy. I don't understand why I even like them to begin with, an' I don't try too hard to think of it.
Eventually, when it supper time, I drift inta a world a sleep. But it ain't a lady's dream.
I'm standin' in daddy's plantation, a white dress with no corset. My hair is coiled round and round my head, braids interwoven with blonde curls. There diamonds in my hair too, shiny 'gainst the sun. I look beautiful, I feel it too.
Then walk in Lloyd, basket a flower in his hands. He look fresh, young an' beautiful. His eyes are shinin' like the diamonds in my hair. But fo' some reason I don't wanna be near 'em.
"Fo' you'" he say, kissin' the side my cheek. "To you my beautiful wife."
At that moment, I suddenly have a ring on my finger, fo' my marriage. An'my belly grow, fo' our baby. He put his hand on my stomach, an' smile real big.
"An' fo' me baby."
That when Samuel walk in, all rugged an' tough, both his hands workin'. In the light he look even darker than he do at night, his skin almos' glowin'. It him I wanna kiss, an' when I run up, I hear a shot fired. An' then Samuel, dead in my arms.
