As hard as it is ta stay silent, an' keep them questions to myself, I do. Because there ain't no way I'm gonna be the one ta open my mouth first. No sir. But, sadly, my will only goes so far, so while I sit here with my lips pressed tight, I keep lookin' at her. An' with my eyes I ask her to talk.
She get the message. "We gonna be headin' home in the morn'. Thought you'd like that."
I do at the same time that I don't. I wanna see him- although I never will admit it out loud I guess in my head I can't lie. I wanna see Samuel- an' Cecile too. No one else, really. Maybe Mary, Lloyd- Miss. Lizabeth a bit. Not daddy. I'd rather see new horse dun' than daddy. An' I wanna go back to the lake, drop my clothes by the shore an' fly free 'gain.
'Course goin' back does mean mo' lessons, an' the ol' Misses, an' my crazy thoughts- although they kinda crazy here too- an' 'course goin' back means my nights with daddy.
I can't decide if I wanna go back, no mo'. Maybe the Misses had been right- stayin' here with Miss. Leslie might be fo' the best. We can jus' pretend everythin' in that ol' life was a dream. An' maybe in a couple of years we could journey to New York- go an' find James. An' I'd go live with him, an' show him all my new, smart skills an' he'd be so proud. He could tell me all his accomplishments in the north, but how he wasn't truly happy without me. An' how his one regret was startin' a new life, an' not takin' me with him. Not savin' me from daddy when he knew. He'd tell me how much he regretted that, an' how he couldn've taken me cause he wasn't sure he'd have 'nough food fo' the both of us.
'Course I'd forgive him- cause it James after all- but I'd make him work fo' it first. He'd 'Pologize over an' over an' I'd tell him how much it hurt me when I first learned that he hadn't gone to military school. How out of the Misses whole story- it was the part that made me the saddest.
We'd then move together to Hill country, live in a house we built together an' jus' live free.
I don' tell the Misses all this, my fantasy an' my reaction an' whether or not I kno' if this is good news or bad. Instead I turn to her an' nod my head. "Thanks fo' lettin' me kno. I appreciate it, I'll go back my bags this afternoon."
When I look back, at the empty spot on the table, the slave shuffles back in- the dirt tea in her hands.
"Thank you," I whisper, not really carin' if she hear me.
She get the message. "We gonna be headin' home in the morn'. Thought you'd like that."
I do at the same time that I don't. I wanna see him- although I never will admit it out loud I guess in my head I can't lie. I wanna see Samuel- an' Cecile too. No one else, really. Maybe Mary, Lloyd- Miss. Lizabeth a bit. Not daddy. I'd rather see new horse dun' than daddy. An' I wanna go back to the lake, drop my clothes by the shore an' fly free 'gain.
'Course goin' back does mean mo' lessons, an' the ol' Misses, an' my crazy thoughts- although they kinda crazy here too- an' 'course goin' back means my nights with daddy.
I can't decide if I wanna go back, no mo'. Maybe the Misses had been right- stayin' here with Miss. Leslie might be fo' the best. We can jus' pretend everythin' in that ol' life was a dream. An' maybe in a couple of years we could journey to New York- go an' find James. An' I'd go live with him, an' show him all my new, smart skills an' he'd be so proud. He could tell me all his accomplishments in the north, but how he wasn't truly happy without me. An' how his one regret was startin' a new life, an' not takin' me with him. Not savin' me from daddy when he knew. He'd tell me how much he regretted that, an' how he couldn've taken me cause he wasn't sure he'd have 'nough food fo' the both of us.
'Course I'd forgive him- cause it James after all- but I'd make him work fo' it first. He'd 'Pologize over an' over an' I'd tell him how much it hurt me when I first learned that he hadn't gone to military school. How out of the Misses whole story- it was the part that made me the saddest.
We'd then move together to Hill country, live in a house we built together an' jus' live free.
I don' tell the Misses all this, my fantasy an' my reaction an' whether or not I kno' if this is good news or bad. Instead I turn to her an' nod my head. "Thanks fo' lettin' me kno. I appreciate it, I'll go back my bags this afternoon."
When I look back, at the empty spot on the table, the slave shuffles back in- the dirt tea in her hands.
"Thank you," I whisper, not really carin' if she hear me.
