I hear 'er before I see 'er. She always been rather loud, heavy on 'er feet even though she ain't heavy 'erself. I actually surprised to 'ear her- I didn't think she was payin' no attention to our eatin'. I didn't think she'd even notice that I left so suddenly an' rudely, at the table.
Maybe she didn't notice 'till she was cleanin' it all up, an' I wasn't with the party walkin' to the parlor. Or perhaps it was daddy who called 'er an' sent 'er after me. He don't wanna deal with such a badly behavin' girl, maybe he told 'er too. He is 'er master after all.
I want to curl into a ball an' disappear into the grass, jus' fade away into it. I don't wanna deal with no one, right now, cept maybe James. But I can't even write to 'em- I mean 'least 'till I can learn 'ow to write an' spell myself. But with the way it'd been goin'- that'll be years. Maybe I should jus' give up on everythin' now, an' go back to the way I was in my early teens. Then, I was rather subservient. I listened to everythin' daddy told me to do, an' was mo' happy than I am now. Maybe daddy do kno' best.
But even that thought, makes me cringe. I wouldn't be able to do it. After one day, things would get way too bad an' borin'. That is why I stopped originally. Maybe I gotta run away. But before I even process that thought I kno' it won't work. I stuck, 'ere with my life. 'Cept maybe if Lloyd take me away, but now I dunno if that'll ever happen. An' I dunno if I want it to.
I don' have much options. I really dunno what I could possibly do, what I can. Maybe daddy'll leave with the Mistress, an' jus' leave me an' Mary an' Miss. Lizabeth an' some of them slaves 'ere. Oh, even though that ain't possible I do wish it. Oh God, oh Dear my mighty King please make it so.
I promise I'll be the best girl in the whole world, an' go to Church every day if you make it happen.
"You alrigh'?"
I shake my head, diggin' my head into 'er shoulder as I begin to cry again. Although she a slave- I like 'er the best. If Cecile go- so do I.
"Thank you," I whisper, so quiet that she don't even 'ear me. But that okay- she don' need to, the thin' with Cecile is that she jus' kno'. I don't never gotta tell 'er nothin'- she jus' kno'.
She hug me even tighter, jus' like I need. An' my wish then is that I don't want 'er to ever let go.
Maybe she didn't notice 'till she was cleanin' it all up, an' I wasn't with the party walkin' to the parlor. Or perhaps it was daddy who called 'er an' sent 'er after me. He don't wanna deal with such a badly behavin' girl, maybe he told 'er too. He is 'er master after all.
I want to curl into a ball an' disappear into the grass, jus' fade away into it. I don't wanna deal with no one, right now, cept maybe James. But I can't even write to 'em- I mean 'least 'till I can learn 'ow to write an' spell myself. But with the way it'd been goin'- that'll be years. Maybe I should jus' give up on everythin' now, an' go back to the way I was in my early teens. Then, I was rather subservient. I listened to everythin' daddy told me to do, an' was mo' happy than I am now. Maybe daddy do kno' best.
But even that thought, makes me cringe. I wouldn't be able to do it. After one day, things would get way too bad an' borin'. That is why I stopped originally. Maybe I gotta run away. But before I even process that thought I kno' it won't work. I stuck, 'ere with my life. 'Cept maybe if Lloyd take me away, but now I dunno if that'll ever happen. An' I dunno if I want it to.
I don' have much options. I really dunno what I could possibly do, what I can. Maybe daddy'll leave with the Mistress, an' jus' leave me an' Mary an' Miss. Lizabeth an' some of them slaves 'ere. Oh, even though that ain't possible I do wish it. Oh God, oh Dear my mighty King please make it so.
I promise I'll be the best girl in the whole world, an' go to Church every day if you make it happen.
"You alrigh'?"
I shake my head, diggin' my head into 'er shoulder as I begin to cry again. Although she a slave- I like 'er the best. If Cecile go- so do I.
"Thank you," I whisper, so quiet that she don't even 'ear me. But that okay- she don' need to, the thin' with Cecile is that she jus' kno'. I don't never gotta tell 'er nothin'- she jus' kno'.
She hug me even tighter, jus' like I need. An' my wish then is that I don't want 'er to ever let go.
