She... My mother... I blink again, once, twice then a third time, bringin' my tears back in. No mo' cryin'- no mo'. But... She ain't... No. I ain't gonna think like that, I ain't gonna change 'er in my mind. She no different than I always thought. Sides, maybe Cecile the one that don't kno' nothin'. She colored after all.
I sigh, suddenly confused, lookin' up at the real blue sky, the same one that holds them stars at night, them winkin' stars of my perfect mother who look jus' like me. I can't... I can't not wink back no mo'.
"The lie, Cecile," I say, deep behind my breath. "Tell me the lie."
She look as if she understand, not judgin' nothin'. Cecile the one that understand, after all. She the one who replaces the dead. "She was perfect."
"Really? She was pretty too?"
Cecile nod, stealin' a hand from me an' squeezin'. "She was almos' beautiful as you, with 'er cheeks alway so pink." She brushes a few fingers 'cross the apple of my cheek, pinchin' it a bit 'tween two- creatin' my mother's color.
"An' 'er hair so curl an' fine, blonde like yours." She twists a finger 'round a loose curl, smilin' a little- forcin' me to smile back.
"An' 'er eyes Cecile, wha' were 'er eyes?"
"They was the ocean- darker blue than yous by jus' a bit. I heard you daddy say once that he could jus' stare at 'em all day lon'."
"An'... An' was she nice? Was daddy jus' a different person?"
Cecile hesitate, pullin' my curl straight an' watchin' it bounce righ' back up.
"Well, Cecile?" I ask, all impatient. I can paint a picture of 'er look in my mind, 'er skin so light an' young, 'er hair like mine an' 'er eyes even better. But what 'bout beneath 'er skin? "Cecile..." I prompt.
"She were the nicest lady I'd ever seen, met an' talked too." Cecile smile at me, standin' up an' tryin' to get me to come with. Slowly, I unfold my legs, lettin' 'er pull me to my feet. She start walkin' an' I follow- real close behind. "She had the prettiest voice in Church, almos' like she were an angel singin'. An' she ain't never have no frown, or no mean words. Everythin' that left 'er mouth was jus' beautiful, like she was."
"Did she want a baby, Cecile? Did she want a girl?"
"Oh, yeah. Very much so a gurl. That all she ever talked 'bout 'fore you was born. She 'ad James an' then wanted you."
With the sparkle in Cecile's eye, with the way she look so sincere, I almos' believe 'er. I almos' forget it a lie, almos'.
I sigh, suddenly confused, lookin' up at the real blue sky, the same one that holds them stars at night, them winkin' stars of my perfect mother who look jus' like me. I can't... I can't not wink back no mo'.
"The lie, Cecile," I say, deep behind my breath. "Tell me the lie."
She look as if she understand, not judgin' nothin'. Cecile the one that understand, after all. She the one who replaces the dead. "She was perfect."
"Really? She was pretty too?"
Cecile nod, stealin' a hand from me an' squeezin'. "She was almos' beautiful as you, with 'er cheeks alway so pink." She brushes a few fingers 'cross the apple of my cheek, pinchin' it a bit 'tween two- creatin' my mother's color.
"An' 'er hair so curl an' fine, blonde like yours." She twists a finger 'round a loose curl, smilin' a little- forcin' me to smile back.
"An' 'er eyes Cecile, wha' were 'er eyes?"
"They was the ocean- darker blue than yous by jus' a bit. I heard you daddy say once that he could jus' stare at 'em all day lon'."
"An'... An' was she nice? Was daddy jus' a different person?"
Cecile hesitate, pullin' my curl straight an' watchin' it bounce righ' back up.
"Well, Cecile?" I ask, all impatient. I can paint a picture of 'er look in my mind, 'er skin so light an' young, 'er hair like mine an' 'er eyes even better. But what 'bout beneath 'er skin? "Cecile..." I prompt.
"She were the nicest lady I'd ever seen, met an' talked too." Cecile smile at me, standin' up an' tryin' to get me to come with. Slowly, I unfold my legs, lettin' 'er pull me to my feet. She start walkin' an' I follow- real close behind. "She had the prettiest voice in Church, almos' like she were an angel singin'. An' she ain't never have no frown, or no mean words. Everythin' that left 'er mouth was jus' beautiful, like she was."
"Did she want a baby, Cecile? Did she want a girl?"
"Oh, yeah. Very much so a gurl. That all she ever talked 'bout 'fore you was born. She 'ad James an' then wanted you."
With the sparkle in Cecile's eye, with the way she look so sincere, I almos' believe 'er. I almos' forget it a lie, almos'.
