By the time I get on the front steps, I regret leavin'. It was my tree, he should've be the one to leave, and I should've been the one to stay. It ain't real fair, not at all. I debate goin' back, but really I know it ain't an option. He'll jus' think I'm weak and all that strength I felt earlier would be lost. Now I gotta go inside, real quiet, hopin' the Mistress don't think I'm a murderous slave. Knowin' her though, she really will, she dreams 'bout bein' killed all the time. More than daddy and I even.
Before turnin' the knob on the door, I change my direction and head back into the night. It ain't fair. But I chicken out before reachin' my tree, and find a spot in the grass that's comfortable enough. I fall back in the position Samuel had been in before, 'cept my eyes are open.
The stars shine so bright above, winkin' at me, and smilin'. I imagine the one that shines real bright toward the north, is my mother lookin' down at me with affection. But as soon as I think it I try to stop. Mother ain't comin' back. I gotta stop thinkin' of her, I gotta stop thinkin' she will.
I don't know when I fall asleep, my dreams mix in with reality, and I ain't sure which is which. But sleep wonderful, and when the sun awakens me I feel all rested. I remember my mother's eyes winkin' at me, a soft breeze that carried me when I slept, and Samuel's hand soft in my hair.
I ain't sure the time when I open my eyes to the blue sky, but it real early, so I have enough time to get dressed for Church. I really don't wanna go, I never do, but with the mistress, it even worse. She always leads one real long prayer and asks selfishly for petty things she wants. Lately she's been askin' for a son, so we have anotha man 'round here.
I pray that it don't happen. I don't like children much. Beside, we have many men, daddy, James when he comes back, Mr. Johnston, Mr. Smith when he around, and all the slaves 'round here. But I know she don't count the men of color, that's who she wants protection from in the first place.
But so far, God's listened to me. She ain't pregnant, and I hope she never will be. She ain't bearable when she isn't supposed to be moody.
I sigh, standin' and brushin' the grass of my dress, nearly squishin' an innocent ant while I do. I carefully set it back down, smilin' as I see it crawl safely away, and head back.
I look up once more at the sky, sayin' goodbye to my mother for good, before turnin' the knob and goin' inside.
Before turnin' the knob on the door, I change my direction and head back into the night. It ain't fair. But I chicken out before reachin' my tree, and find a spot in the grass that's comfortable enough. I fall back in the position Samuel had been in before, 'cept my eyes are open.
The stars shine so bright above, winkin' at me, and smilin'. I imagine the one that shines real bright toward the north, is my mother lookin' down at me with affection. But as soon as I think it I try to stop. Mother ain't comin' back. I gotta stop thinkin' of her, I gotta stop thinkin' she will.
I don't know when I fall asleep, my dreams mix in with reality, and I ain't sure which is which. But sleep wonderful, and when the sun awakens me I feel all rested. I remember my mother's eyes winkin' at me, a soft breeze that carried me when I slept, and Samuel's hand soft in my hair.
I ain't sure the time when I open my eyes to the blue sky, but it real early, so I have enough time to get dressed for Church. I really don't wanna go, I never do, but with the mistress, it even worse. She always leads one real long prayer and asks selfishly for petty things she wants. Lately she's been askin' for a son, so we have anotha man 'round here.
I pray that it don't happen. I don't like children much. Beside, we have many men, daddy, James when he comes back, Mr. Johnston, Mr. Smith when he around, and all the slaves 'round here. But I know she don't count the men of color, that's who she wants protection from in the first place.
But so far, God's listened to me. She ain't pregnant, and I hope she never will be. She ain't bearable when she isn't supposed to be moody.
I sigh, standin' and brushin' the grass of my dress, nearly squishin' an innocent ant while I do. I carefully set it back down, smilin' as I see it crawl safely away, and head back.
I look up once more at the sky, sayin' goodbye to my mother for good, before turnin' the knob and goin' inside.
