I couldn't do it. Have fun- dance, an' forget. That was my plan- go dressed up all nice as a lady, with sparkly pins an' my mothers jewelery an' forget 'bout him. Find someone else ta think of, but by the end of the night- with the Misses out havin' a good time- I was left sittin' by myself- wishin' that he was white.
'Cause I like hangin' out with him- I like havin' him teach me how ta spell an' write, an' how even on the worse nights he can make me laugh. An' I miss him- course I haven't even see 'em in the pass week- 'course I avoidin' him. Cause I can't like him- no sir. But avoidin' him helped none- it jus' made me miss him.
This jus' ain't fair, God. First you kill my mother, then send me daddy an' the Misses. An' then the two people, the only people I enjoy on this Earth righ' now are colored. Why God?
I cry inta my hands, an' curl my knees up ta my chest. This ain't right, God. It ain't fair.
"You alright Miss?"
Even though I kno' it ain't possible, my neck jerks up in hopin' that it Samuel. That somehow he got here- ta me an' that he kno'. But it ain't him- it a white man all dressed up in a suit- with hair like mine, an' real, dark, dark eyes. Almos' as dark as his.
"I fine," I say, real quiet. His precence stopped any new tears from comin'- but ol' one still hang on my cheek. I wish to wipe them off- but I don' wanna draw any mo' attention ta the fact I was cryin'. Then he might go find my chaperon an' where'd I be then? The Misses would jus' be real angry at me for ruinin' her ball- that is the reason why we came.
"You don't look it."
He sound like daddy, like Lloyd an' Mista Johnston an' Mista Smith an' even James. He sound like every other white man out there- it make me sick. I kno' jus' wha' he gonna say next- every word that don't really belon' to me.
"How sweet of you to say so," I snap. "Ain't you a gentleman? Shouldn't you kno' not to insult a lady like you jus' have."
He sits, takin' no notice on how I flinch away. Now God- this jus' ain't right.
"It wasn't meant to insult," he pulls his hanker chief from his pocket, an' hands it to me. "I jus' wanna make sure you alrigh'."
I take it from him- but don't use it. Even though I ain't a man- I still got some pride in me.
"Thank you."
'Cause I like hangin' out with him- I like havin' him teach me how ta spell an' write, an' how even on the worse nights he can make me laugh. An' I miss him- course I haven't even see 'em in the pass week- 'course I avoidin' him. Cause I can't like him- no sir. But avoidin' him helped none- it jus' made me miss him.
This jus' ain't fair, God. First you kill my mother, then send me daddy an' the Misses. An' then the two people, the only people I enjoy on this Earth righ' now are colored. Why God?
I cry inta my hands, an' curl my knees up ta my chest. This ain't right, God. It ain't fair.
"You alright Miss?"
Even though I kno' it ain't possible, my neck jerks up in hopin' that it Samuel. That somehow he got here- ta me an' that he kno'. But it ain't him- it a white man all dressed up in a suit- with hair like mine, an' real, dark, dark eyes. Almos' as dark as his.
"I fine," I say, real quiet. His precence stopped any new tears from comin'- but ol' one still hang on my cheek. I wish to wipe them off- but I don' wanna draw any mo' attention ta the fact I was cryin'. Then he might go find my chaperon an' where'd I be then? The Misses would jus' be real angry at me for ruinin' her ball- that is the reason why we came.
"You don't look it."
He sound like daddy, like Lloyd an' Mista Johnston an' Mista Smith an' even James. He sound like every other white man out there- it make me sick. I kno' jus' wha' he gonna say next- every word that don't really belon' to me.
"How sweet of you to say so," I snap. "Ain't you a gentleman? Shouldn't you kno' not to insult a lady like you jus' have."
He sits, takin' no notice on how I flinch away. Now God- this jus' ain't right.
"It wasn't meant to insult," he pulls his hanker chief from his pocket, an' hands it to me. "I jus' wanna make sure you alrigh'."
I take it from him- but don't use it. Even though I ain't a man- I still got some pride in me.
"Thank you."
