"Wha' do you mean, you dunno?" I cry, frustrated, outta my mind. She can't do this to me- she jus' can't. She can't tell me that he ain't at military school, an' then jus' expect me ta not care wha' happened to him. I jump up, outta my bed, cause I ain't even tired anymo' an' begin' to pace. I don't look over at the bed because I don't care anymo'. However she feels, whatever she looks like it don't make no difference. She still ain't strong, I no' that much. Or I woulda heard this much, much sooner. "Where is James?"
"I dunno where he is now," she say- still quiet fo' her. No yellin'. I want her to, then I can scream back with all my might an' not feel so guilty. I'm screamin' now- jus' every time I do it- I see in the corner of my eye, the Misses flinch. But... It don't matter, cause James way mo' important than she.
"What do you mean? If you don't no where he is, then how do you kno' he ain't at school?"
"When he found out, 'bout year daddy an' I- he was real upset. He wouldn't talk to me, I couldn't make 'em understand an' year daddy jus' made everythin' much, much worse."
I guess we back to the story now. I wanna stop 'er, have her tell me only 'bout James, but I guess she can't do that. So I let 'er talk, tell her little story while I wait. I jus' hope it gotta happy endin'. But I kno' it don't.
"He told 'em that he wasn't enough man fo' me," she says, "That he never actually had me, that I was gonna leave em fo' any ol' bum on the street, an' at least James would still be connected ta me, in a way. He wasn't rich 'bough." She sigh. "The sad part 'bout that- is that it was all kinda true. Fo' my taste James wasn't 'nough of a man."
Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, "James mo' man than my daddy ever was. Then he is now."
She jus' pretend that I hadn't even talked. "That's when things went from bad ta worse. James started talkin' crazy, or at least I thought it was crazy at the time, 'bout how horrible year daddy could be. He mentioned you, but I didn't get it at the time- I still dunno if I even get it. An' he mentioned how year daddy made it to the top- he cheated or sompin'- this is the part I dunno real well. He made a deal with someone- some sorta illegal slave somin' or another. I jus' can't tell you, cause I don' understand."
"Wha' happened ta James?" I'm shakin' now. Daddy didn't kill him- no.
"He left, sid he was goin' to the north- where they think all normal. Haven't heard from 'em since."
"I dunno where he is now," she say- still quiet fo' her. No yellin'. I want her to, then I can scream back with all my might an' not feel so guilty. I'm screamin' now- jus' every time I do it- I see in the corner of my eye, the Misses flinch. But... It don't matter, cause James way mo' important than she.
"What do you mean? If you don't no where he is, then how do you kno' he ain't at school?"
"When he found out, 'bout year daddy an' I- he was real upset. He wouldn't talk to me, I couldn't make 'em understand an' year daddy jus' made everythin' much, much worse."
I guess we back to the story now. I wanna stop 'er, have her tell me only 'bout James, but I guess she can't do that. So I let 'er talk, tell her little story while I wait. I jus' hope it gotta happy endin'. But I kno' it don't.
"He told 'em that he wasn't enough man fo' me," she says, "That he never actually had me, that I was gonna leave em fo' any ol' bum on the street, an' at least James would still be connected ta me, in a way. He wasn't rich 'bough." She sigh. "The sad part 'bout that- is that it was all kinda true. Fo' my taste James wasn't 'nough of a man."
Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, "James mo' man than my daddy ever was. Then he is now."
She jus' pretend that I hadn't even talked. "That's when things went from bad ta worse. James started talkin' crazy, or at least I thought it was crazy at the time, 'bout how horrible year daddy could be. He mentioned you, but I didn't get it at the time- I still dunno if I even get it. An' he mentioned how year daddy made it to the top- he cheated or sompin'- this is the part I dunno real well. He made a deal with someone- some sorta illegal slave somin' or another. I jus' can't tell you, cause I don' understand."
"Wha' happened ta James?" I'm shakin' now. Daddy didn't kill him- no.
"He left, sid he was goin' to the north- where they think all normal. Haven't heard from 'em since."
