My daddy comes, I can see his dark shadow before he makes any sound. He moves slowly, like a snake in the grass, each step careful and practiced. I press my face into my bed, tryin' my best to fake sleep. I don't want him here now, not on Holy Day, not on any day. But he comes and sits by my body, no matter, his fingers pettin' my hair. Daddy always said it was like an angel, all golden and curly. He always loved my hair, I always hated it.
"My good girl," he whispers, his lips on the curve of my forehead.
I try to keep on my breath inside my lungs, hopin' for him to leave and go find Mary. But I know he ain't ever find Mary. I have the angel hair and the pale skin and the blue eyes like mommy had. There ain't one day I wish I didn't.
His hands are rough on my arms, tryin' to shake me 'till I wake. The skin on his palm is silky, but it don't feel nice, it feels gross. He shakes me again, gently whispern' words in my ear. I don't wake, though I know I should. I ain't unlucky that daddy loves me.
"Corinne, baby, I'm here now. Wake up."
Daddy's breath is on my mouth but I don't smell no whiskey. I know God was the one who did this, He ain't gonna let daddy be too mean on his day. It ain't right.
I still don't budge, my eyes still locked tight in their own world. I know I ain't foolin' him by pretendin', but no matter how hard I try, they won't open. Daddy doesn't have patience for long, shakin' me harder, yellin' words no girl should hear. But I've heard them before, when he has whiskey on his tongue, when I was a real good girl.
He finds my neck with his fingers and I'm back in my dream, with the new slave killin' me. I see blood and fire everywhere, even burnin' in the depths of his scary eyes. And then it's back to daddy, still snakin' his arms around me 'till I wake, forcin' me to accept his love.
I count to three, one more burst of air in my lungs and then pretend I'd just woken'. Daddy looks angry, but I play ignorant, tellin' a dream of a beautiful gown and a ballroom. Daddy calms down after a few minutes, when I fold into his lap and let him kiss me.
"Thomas," my daddy stops, pushin' me away, far away. I curl into a ball, stoppin' tears from comin' down. I ain't supposed to cry, daddy loves me. Daddy was just gonna show me his love.
"Thomas," I hear Mr. Jakobs call again, his voice outta breath, "Thomas, Samuel is runnin' away." And that's when daddy leaves and I let the tears pour.
"My good girl," he whispers, his lips on the curve of my forehead.
I try to keep on my breath inside my lungs, hopin' for him to leave and go find Mary. But I know he ain't ever find Mary. I have the angel hair and the pale skin and the blue eyes like mommy had. There ain't one day I wish I didn't.
His hands are rough on my arms, tryin' to shake me 'till I wake. The skin on his palm is silky, but it don't feel nice, it feels gross. He shakes me again, gently whispern' words in my ear. I don't wake, though I know I should. I ain't unlucky that daddy loves me.
"Corinne, baby, I'm here now. Wake up."
Daddy's breath is on my mouth but I don't smell no whiskey. I know God was the one who did this, He ain't gonna let daddy be too mean on his day. It ain't right.
I still don't budge, my eyes still locked tight in their own world. I know I ain't foolin' him by pretendin', but no matter how hard I try, they won't open. Daddy doesn't have patience for long, shakin' me harder, yellin' words no girl should hear. But I've heard them before, when he has whiskey on his tongue, when I was a real good girl.
He finds my neck with his fingers and I'm back in my dream, with the new slave killin' me. I see blood and fire everywhere, even burnin' in the depths of his scary eyes. And then it's back to daddy, still snakin' his arms around me 'till I wake, forcin' me to accept his love.
I count to three, one more burst of air in my lungs and then pretend I'd just woken'. Daddy looks angry, but I play ignorant, tellin' a dream of a beautiful gown and a ballroom. Daddy calms down after a few minutes, when I fold into his lap and let him kiss me.
"Thomas," my daddy stops, pushin' me away, far away. I curl into a ball, stoppin' tears from comin' down. I ain't supposed to cry, daddy loves me. Daddy was just gonna show me his love.
"Thomas," I hear Mr. Jakobs call again, his voice outta breath, "Thomas, Samuel is runnin' away." And that's when daddy leaves and I let the tears pour.
