I ride a different horse this time, the only one that is all saddled up when I get there. The saddle itself way to heavy fo' me to lift an' tie all on my own, so I ride a brown one, with three large white spots righ' on 'is feet. I mean, 'is legs. They covered in a dirt a bit, so them spots got of their own. He real nice, the horse but befoe I trust ridin' 'em I feed 'em an apple, an' pet 'em with the brush left by 'is side.
I talk to it too, 'first bout nothin real 'portant then bout daddy an' the nights when he come. He hasn't done it in a real lon' while, but that jus' make me mo' scared. Now there even a mo' greater chance that he gonna come. The night righ' after- I safe but now... Now I don' kno'.
An' I also tell the horse how guilty I feel. Should I really be 'farid a my daddy? Should I really hate 'em like I do? I kno' the answer 'is no, that I should love 'em an accept his reward like a good daughter. I ain't a good daughter an' I kno' it. But...
The truth is I wanna 'nother family. A good one, with no daddy an' an' no Mistress an' even no Mary. At that thought I burst inta tears fo' the second time. I can't think in that way- it mean an' cruel an' wron'. An' impossible too.
"What should I be thinkin', you got the answer?" I ask the horse, hopin' fo' a response that don't come. I mean it can't come. The horse can't even talk. But boy oh boy I wish it could.
I stand there a few mo' minutes, puttin' the brush aside an' jus' usin' my fingers. I stop talkin' too cause that get me to thinkin', an' when I think bout this stuff I start to fall apart. An' I don with doin' that. Soon as we in the silence fo' jus' one minute, my tears are only dry stains on my cheek.
"You a pretty horse," I coo, repeatin' as Mary had when we went ridin' together. She was real good at it, so she musta done sompin' righ'.
I glance over to the horses bum fo' a quick second to see if they any flies, an' instantly my eyes are drawn to its male part. I blush, fo' jus' thinkin' of it like that. "Pardon me, I mean you a real handsome horse." In response, the animal don' even neigh.
I stop pettin' it, an' lie my hand on the saddle with some weight down on it,jus' to see it reaction, see how it feels to me ridin' it. I ain't quite sure what the steps to ridin' is, I wasn't payin' real good attention to Mista Johnston when he explained it.
"You okay with me ridin' you," I ask, though I already half way up.
I talk to it too, 'first bout nothin real 'portant then bout daddy an' the nights when he come. He hasn't done it in a real lon' while, but that jus' make me mo' scared. Now there even a mo' greater chance that he gonna come. The night righ' after- I safe but now... Now I don' kno'.
An' I also tell the horse how guilty I feel. Should I really be 'farid a my daddy? Should I really hate 'em like I do? I kno' the answer 'is no, that I should love 'em an accept his reward like a good daughter. I ain't a good daughter an' I kno' it. But...
The truth is I wanna 'nother family. A good one, with no daddy an' an' no Mistress an' even no Mary. At that thought I burst inta tears fo' the second time. I can't think in that way- it mean an' cruel an' wron'. An' impossible too.
"What should I be thinkin', you got the answer?" I ask the horse, hopin' fo' a response that don't come. I mean it can't come. The horse can't even talk. But boy oh boy I wish it could.
I stand there a few mo' minutes, puttin' the brush aside an' jus' usin' my fingers. I stop talkin' too cause that get me to thinkin', an' when I think bout this stuff I start to fall apart. An' I don with doin' that. Soon as we in the silence fo' jus' one minute, my tears are only dry stains on my cheek.
"You a pretty horse," I coo, repeatin' as Mary had when we went ridin' together. She was real good at it, so she musta done sompin' righ'.
I glance over to the horses bum fo' a quick second to see if they any flies, an' instantly my eyes are drawn to its male part. I blush, fo' jus' thinkin' of it like that. "Pardon me, I mean you a real handsome horse." In response, the animal don' even neigh.
I stop pettin' it, an' lie my hand on the saddle with some weight down on it,jus' to see it reaction, see how it feels to me ridin' it. I ain't quite sure what the steps to ridin' is, I wasn't payin' real good attention to Mista Johnston when he explained it.
"You okay with me ridin' you," I ask, though I already half way up.
