I retire to my bedroom, after daddy grants my wish- hopin' into bed an' fallin' asleep at its first touch. He ain't here, but I still feel like Lloyd is watchin' me. He seems to be starin' at my restin' body, tryin' to figure out if I'll resist him. He got a scary look on his face, like daddy has sometime and it make any hair on my arm stand up real straight. I open both eyes, sittin' up fast as I can and lookin' 'round my bedroom. Sure enough, it empty. But I know in the chamber Mary used to have, Lloyd is sleepin'. I hope he don't sneak in here. I hope he ain't like daddy.
I stay sittin' for a few minutes, breathin' real hard and fast. My heart rate don't go back to normal speed, jus' thinkin' 'bout daddy, jus' thinkin' that Lloyd is like daddy send me into a frenzy. But I don't cry, and I real proud of myself for that.
When I fall back on my bed, closin' my eyes to the moon, I can still hear my own heart. It thumpin' like an unsteady drum, with no rhythm at all. And it won't quiet and let me sleep. I hope Miss. Lizabeth has no intent on wakin' me early, but knowin' her, she will. I shiver at the thought.
I try to sing myself to sleep, choosin' a song that had been Mary's favorite back when we was children. Miss. Lizabeth would sing it to her, even though my favorite was somethin' else. She wanted to give Mary at least one victory. Even if it was jus' a song.
As I signin', all quiet as not to wake anyone, I realize that Mary's absence makes me want her back. She was like a bothersome fly when she was here, and I hated when she was 'round. But now that she ain't here, all my memories shift and I discover that I love her really. I guess my opinion shifted. She'd been my ally all alon' and I didn't even know until she wasn't here no more. No I've got no one on my side.
I stop singin' the song. It too sad now. Even though I know she alive, Mary is almos' dead to me. I won't see her no more after the weddin', even when Mister Smith comes 'round. He won't bring his wife. I may be able to visit her, sometime, but only Mister Smith can permit that. Of course, he like me so it won't be too hard. But I dunno if Mary'll want me to come. When she was here, we weren't so close friends.
I wonder if she even think of me.
Before I know it, I sound asleep, dreamin' of things that actually happened. Mary and I as children, friends 'til I turned on her.
"Come back to me sister," I murmur into the night, still asleep, and completely unaware of the someone that's there listenin' to my every jumbled word.
I stay sittin' for a few minutes, breathin' real hard and fast. My heart rate don't go back to normal speed, jus' thinkin' 'bout daddy, jus' thinkin' that Lloyd is like daddy send me into a frenzy. But I don't cry, and I real proud of myself for that.
When I fall back on my bed, closin' my eyes to the moon, I can still hear my own heart. It thumpin' like an unsteady drum, with no rhythm at all. And it won't quiet and let me sleep. I hope Miss. Lizabeth has no intent on wakin' me early, but knowin' her, she will. I shiver at the thought.
I try to sing myself to sleep, choosin' a song that had been Mary's favorite back when we was children. Miss. Lizabeth would sing it to her, even though my favorite was somethin' else. She wanted to give Mary at least one victory. Even if it was jus' a song.
As I signin', all quiet as not to wake anyone, I realize that Mary's absence makes me want her back. She was like a bothersome fly when she was here, and I hated when she was 'round. But now that she ain't here, all my memories shift and I discover that I love her really. I guess my opinion shifted. She'd been my ally all alon' and I didn't even know until she wasn't here no more. No I've got no one on my side.
I stop singin' the song. It too sad now. Even though I know she alive, Mary is almos' dead to me. I won't see her no more after the weddin', even when Mister Smith comes 'round. He won't bring his wife. I may be able to visit her, sometime, but only Mister Smith can permit that. Of course, he like me so it won't be too hard. But I dunno if Mary'll want me to come. When she was here, we weren't so close friends.
I wonder if she even think of me.
Before I know it, I sound asleep, dreamin' of things that actually happened. Mary and I as children, friends 'til I turned on her.
"Come back to me sister," I murmur into the night, still asleep, and completely unaware of the someone that's there listenin' to my every jumbled word.
