"This is all your fault you know. Can't you be normal like all the rest of the kids? All of my employees have normal kids and I don't. I'm stuck with the loser kid who gave up his dreams of going Yale so that he can stay at home with his worthless sister who can't seem to stay out of the hospital." she says to me.
Even if I spoke to this women who calls herself my mother, I wouldn't. I am so horrified at what she said to me. I flash back to my dream. This is what is tying me to the ground, the thing that I can't seem to get away from no matter where I turn. I really am worthless. I just want to feel like I did in the end of my dream; where I was worm and felt safe from this hurtful world.
"Let’s get out of this waste of space," my mom says while she grabs my arm again. I only go forward because she is pulling me along. I am on auto pilot mode. I just want to go home and see Charlie. I need him so bad right now. I think I might actually die if I don't. Mom pulls me through the elevator and all the way down in to the parking lot. She opens my door and pushes me in. I look over to where she had her grip on my arm. There were angry red marks all the way around my arm. But it's ok it'll just mix in with all of my other bumps and bruises.
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You only have one life to live. Society hears that saying everywhere they go; from the time they were born till the time that they die. They hear it from infomercials, wise old men, and from were ever else you would hear it. But what about me? Am I part of the rule? It seems the harder I try to die the harder my body works at trying to stay alive. Does that mean that I have had more than one life to live? When will it stop, after my fourth or fifth time? I think of my dream and how I could see and hear everyone who has succeeded in committing suicide. They wasted their one chance at life and they didn't get another chance. So why me? Why do I get a second and third chance? It's not like I'm ever going to change. If anything it will get worse. And what about the end of my dream, when I was caught from falling? What is that all about? Now that I think about it when I was there stuck and everything was getting lighter and warmer... I felt good, better than I have ever imagined. But the real question is...... is it worth the pain to keep living my life over and over again?
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Even if I spoke to this women who calls herself my mother, I wouldn't. I am so horrified at what she said to me. I flash back to my dream. This is what is tying me to the ground, the thing that I can't seem to get away from no matter where I turn. I really am worthless. I just want to feel like I did in the end of my dream; where I was worm and felt safe from this hurtful world.
"Let’s get out of this waste of space," my mom says while she grabs my arm again. I only go forward because she is pulling me along. I am on auto pilot mode. I just want to go home and see Charlie. I need him so bad right now. I think I might actually die if I don't. Mom pulls me through the elevator and all the way down in to the parking lot. She opens my door and pushes me in. I look over to where she had her grip on my arm. There were angry red marks all the way around my arm. But it's ok it'll just mix in with all of my other bumps and bruises.
******************************************************************************
You only have one life to live. Society hears that saying everywhere they go; from the time they were born till the time that they die. They hear it from infomercials, wise old men, and from were ever else you would hear it. But what about me? Am I part of the rule? It seems the harder I try to die the harder my body works at trying to stay alive. Does that mean that I have had more than one life to live? When will it stop, after my fourth or fifth time? I think of my dream and how I could see and hear everyone who has succeeded in committing suicide. They wasted their one chance at life and they didn't get another chance. So why me? Why do I get a second and third chance? It's not like I'm ever going to change. If anything it will get worse. And what about the end of my dream, when I was caught from falling? What is that all about? Now that I think about it when I was there stuck and everything was getting lighter and warmer... I felt good, better than I have ever imagined. But the real question is...... is it worth the pain to keep living my life over and over again?
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