I walk up the stairs to get to my room. After my first suicide attempt, my room was switched to the closest to the stairs instead of all the way down the one hall. I walk into my room and it looks like a room out of a mental hospital. I don’t want my room this way but my mom thought that painting all the rooms in the house white and having white furniture would help make the passing of my dad easier. But obviously it doesn’t. Really the only color in my room is the clothes in my closet and those colors are black, black, the occasional dark purple or blue, and then some more black (black is the exact opposite of white you know). I hear a knock on my door. I go over and open it. Charlie.
"Um hi can I come in?" he says like I might scream in his face at any second.
"Uh sure," I say back to him "Do you need something?"
"No, no I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know that you were expecting me to come and get you this morning but-"
"If it’s about the other day Charlie, I am so sorry. I was just upset and angry; I took it out all on you. I am really sorry" I say cutting Charlie off. Yeah I can be a good sister sometimes. I usually don't apologize for these "out bursts" but I couldn't live without Charlie being there for me every second of the day.
"No that’s not it. I was actually packing," he doesn’t stop there, "and moving into my new apartment. But don’t worry its only 15 minutes away from here so I won’t be that far away if you need me." He rushes through it like I am going to interrupt him.
Umm did he just say that? "Umm did you just say that?" I say repeating my thoughts. Is he really going to leave me in my time of need? Now, when I really need him the most? Well I guess it is only 15 minutes away. But he’s moving out because of me not because he wants too. And why has he waited till now to tell me, after the decision making. We make decisions together, well I guess now we used to make decisions together.
"Yeah I'm really sorry. I know that you are just getting out of the hospital and stuff but I have to get out of this house. It is becoming too much and I have to move on with my life. Karen got me the apartment next to hers so I got a good deal on it." ah so that's the reason this is happening. Moving because Karen told him too, she always gets in the way.
"You are so whipped Charlie" I say quietly.
"Besides this could be good for you, I say this lightly, but you need to grow up and learn how to deal with the world without me or dad" he says louder trying to ignore what I said, (ouch) but he's not done; I can tell. "Ever since dad died you've just given up on the world, you don't even try anymore Lucy!"
"Um hi can I come in?" he says like I might scream in his face at any second.
"Uh sure," I say back to him "Do you need something?"
"No, no I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know that you were expecting me to come and get you this morning but-"
"If it’s about the other day Charlie, I am so sorry. I was just upset and angry; I took it out all on you. I am really sorry" I say cutting Charlie off. Yeah I can be a good sister sometimes. I usually don't apologize for these "out bursts" but I couldn't live without Charlie being there for me every second of the day.
"No that’s not it. I was actually packing," he doesn’t stop there, "and moving into my new apartment. But don’t worry its only 15 minutes away from here so I won’t be that far away if you need me." He rushes through it like I am going to interrupt him.
Umm did he just say that? "Umm did you just say that?" I say repeating my thoughts. Is he really going to leave me in my time of need? Now, when I really need him the most? Well I guess it is only 15 minutes away. But he’s moving out because of me not because he wants too. And why has he waited till now to tell me, after the decision making. We make decisions together, well I guess now we used to make decisions together.
"Yeah I'm really sorry. I know that you are just getting out of the hospital and stuff but I have to get out of this house. It is becoming too much and I have to move on with my life. Karen got me the apartment next to hers so I got a good deal on it." ah so that's the reason this is happening. Moving because Karen told him too, she always gets in the way.
"You are so whipped Charlie" I say quietly.
"Besides this could be good for you, I say this lightly, but you need to grow up and learn how to deal with the world without me or dad" he says louder trying to ignore what I said, (ouch) but he's not done; I can tell. "Ever since dad died you've just given up on the world, you don't even try anymore Lucy!"
