I enter my room and close and lock my door. Time to see the damage of the "accident". I wonder what it is called when it really isn’t an accident. Oh yeah... a suicide attempt. On one side of my room there is a mirror that takes up the whole wall, floor to ceiling. I stand in front of it and take off my shirt. My body looks broken. There are bruises all over. If I saw myself walking down the street I probably wouldn’t know what my skin color was; is it purple? Green? Blue? I unwrap the gauze that is holding my broken ribs together. I get to the end of the strip and it’s taped to my skin (who tapes a bandage onto a person who has broken ribs?). Oh gosh this is going to hurt. On the count of three, one, two, three... Oh my... I don’t think I can breathe. I let out a stream of curse words. "Deep breaths Luce deep breaths" I can almost hear my dad saying over my shoulder. After what seems like a half an hour of doubling over in pain I straighten up and see the real damage.
I look at the girl that is facing me in the mirror. I don’t recognize her one bit. I almost actually feel sorry for myself, sorry that I am actually in this situation. My hair is all mangled and ratty. I run my fingers through it but they just get stuck in the knots. My face has one black eye (thankfully) and my lower lip is a little puffy. My arms look like I was attacked by a kindergartener with blue and purple markers, I am polka dotted everywhere. I painstakingly unwrap my arms from my abdomen. My ribs are all purple and my whole belly area looks like it is twice as big as normal. I poke one of my broken ribs. OH MY.... "AAHHHHHHHHH!" I double over crying in pain. I can’t do anything but cry out.
"What is it? What’s wrong?" Charlie’s pounding on my door "Let me in!" I don’t answer him. I couldn’t even if I wanted to (which I don’t). But I just stand there taking the pain. Poking myself over and over, punishing myself for the awful things I have done to Charlie. Take it Lucy! Take the pain you deserve! I tell myself that over and over again. Tears rolling down my face but I just can’t stop punishing myself. The poking turns into hitting. My vision goes blurry and I feel myself kneel to the ground.
"What are you doing?" Charlie somehow got in my room "stop it!" he sounds horrified and he tries to pull away my arm from hitting my broken ribs. I can’t stop. "Luce looks at me! LOOK AT ME!" He takes his hands and makes my head turn to his. My eyes make contact with his. "Please Lucy you need to stop now." I stop. I am memorized by his eyes. I can stop. I can sleep now.
******************************************************************************************
I look at the girl that is facing me in the mirror. I don’t recognize her one bit. I almost actually feel sorry for myself, sorry that I am actually in this situation. My hair is all mangled and ratty. I run my fingers through it but they just get stuck in the knots. My face has one black eye (thankfully) and my lower lip is a little puffy. My arms look like I was attacked by a kindergartener with blue and purple markers, I am polka dotted everywhere. I painstakingly unwrap my arms from my abdomen. My ribs are all purple and my whole belly area looks like it is twice as big as normal. I poke one of my broken ribs. OH MY.... "AAHHHHHHHHH!" I double over crying in pain. I can’t do anything but cry out.
"What is it? What’s wrong?" Charlie’s pounding on my door "Let me in!" I don’t answer him. I couldn’t even if I wanted to (which I don’t). But I just stand there taking the pain. Poking myself over and over, punishing myself for the awful things I have done to Charlie. Take it Lucy! Take the pain you deserve! I tell myself that over and over again. Tears rolling down my face but I just can’t stop punishing myself. The poking turns into hitting. My vision goes blurry and I feel myself kneel to the ground.
"What are you doing?" Charlie somehow got in my room "stop it!" he sounds horrified and he tries to pull away my arm from hitting my broken ribs. I can’t stop. "Luce looks at me! LOOK AT ME!" He takes his hands and makes my head turn to his. My eyes make contact with his. "Please Lucy you need to stop now." I stop. I am memorized by his eyes. I can stop. I can sleep now.
******************************************************************************************
