I also row which is a feat in itself. It completely consumes my time when I'm not in school. I practice 6 days a week, 3 hours long. I love this sport, and this team I'm on. It's hard, it's demanding, it teaches me responsibility, tenacity, respect, and how to push yourself beyond what you thought you could do. Some days I consider not showing up, but when I get that gold medal at the races it's all worth it. The high you get when that boat is just flying. It's.. indescribable.
I'm currently in a program which puts me in all the highest honor classes offered, and requires that you maintain a 3.0 unweighted average. I'm taking two AP classes, I would have taken 3, but I was required to take Spanish 2, so. I currently have my GPA at 3.5 unweighted, it's hard to do since I have like 2 hours of homework a night, after practice. Suffice to say, sleep eludes me this year.
My grandpabert passed in the midst of these two busy years, a year after the divorce, and almost a year ago. His funeral was on the weekend of my 15th birthday, ironic because he always came up to see me on my birthdays. But I never mentioned it, because it seemed so selfish compared to the loss of a dear life. He never escapes my thoughts, when I hear a certain song, or I think of a certain place, or when I get behind the wheel of a car, he's there. He's my ghost, quietly loving me through my faults and my mistakes. He was such a special person in my life, and I still sometimes can't believe he's gone. But it does not do to dwell on loss, but to live.
I feel so old, and so young. I feel a million miles away from that girl who was hurting, who was stuck in middle school with no way out. And yet she and I are the same, and I feel I should know more than I do, and I know more than I should.
I feel so strong, and so vulnerable. I feel so tall, and so tiny, I feel so alone yet so crowded. I'm a walking mess of contradictions, still stuck in the heyday of my teenage years - too young to know that we're young and life seems so long. I'll just keep on searching for the light to go on, and try my best in everything I do and pray to God that's enough.
I'm currently in a program which puts me in all the highest honor classes offered, and requires that you maintain a 3.0 unweighted average. I'm taking two AP classes, I would have taken 3, but I was required to take Spanish 2, so. I currently have my GPA at 3.5 unweighted, it's hard to do since I have like 2 hours of homework a night, after practice. Suffice to say, sleep eludes me this year.
My grandpabert passed in the midst of these two busy years, a year after the divorce, and almost a year ago. His funeral was on the weekend of my 15th birthday, ironic because he always came up to see me on my birthdays. But I never mentioned it, because it seemed so selfish compared to the loss of a dear life. He never escapes my thoughts, when I hear a certain song, or I think of a certain place, or when I get behind the wheel of a car, he's there. He's my ghost, quietly loving me through my faults and my mistakes. He was such a special person in my life, and I still sometimes can't believe he's gone. But it does not do to dwell on loss, but to live.
I feel so old, and so young. I feel a million miles away from that girl who was hurting, who was stuck in middle school with no way out. And yet she and I are the same, and I feel I should know more than I do, and I know more than I should.
I feel so strong, and so vulnerable. I feel so tall, and so tiny, I feel so alone yet so crowded. I'm a walking mess of contradictions, still stuck in the heyday of my teenage years - too young to know that we're young and life seems so long. I'll just keep on searching for the light to go on, and try my best in everything I do and pray to God that's enough.
