July 8th, 2014:
I went on the best run I've had in years this evening. The sun was sinking beneath the horizon, the sky was filled with pinks and blues and oranges. The lake was smooth as glass, while the paved road wound in between the green trees. The air was infused with the smell of summer as the strands of an old and familiar song floated in my ears. My hair was wet, filling my senses with a subtle smell of chlorine from my previous swim, and my tanned body contrasted against the dimly-lit evening
For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. Really breathe.
I'm not talking like shitty shallow breaths that you take when you feel like you can't go on anymore but somehow you do. I'm talking like a full transportation of CO2 exhaled and O2 inhaled all the way into my cells, down into the electron transport chain where it pulls down all my carbons, to convert to energy.
When I reached my house, I felt for the first time since I quit crew, that I could still keep on running. Sure I'd hate myself, but I could do it. For me, that was monumental. In that moment, I felt victorious.
Fuck you demons, I'm still here, and I'm still going strong.
I'm 17 and a half. Yes I count months. I'm looking to start my senior year in high school. I'm gonna be applying to colleges, and taking my senior pictures in a blink of an eye. If I look at my life right now, and look at myself in the mirror; it's all such a far cry from that 14 year old girl back in 2010.
...It's that same question we all find asking ourselves, if we could go back, what would we tell our younger selves?
For me, I would go back to my 14 year old version, sit her ass down and tell her that even though her world is turned upside down, and even though, she doesn't know her ass from her elbow, she will figure it out. She will endure and be made stronger. I would tell her that even though her parents are turning into people she doesn't know, that the stars still died for her, that the sun will continue to rise in the east and sink in the west. That people still love her, and are still there for her. I would tell her that this is actually the best thing to happen for her and for her family yet. She just has to hold on, for tomorrow will be a little bit brighter, I would promise her that.
I went on the best run I've had in years this evening. The sun was sinking beneath the horizon, the sky was filled with pinks and blues and oranges. The lake was smooth as glass, while the paved road wound in between the green trees. The air was infused with the smell of summer as the strands of an old and familiar song floated in my ears. My hair was wet, filling my senses with a subtle smell of chlorine from my previous swim, and my tanned body contrasted against the dimly-lit evening
For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. Really breathe.
I'm not talking like shitty shallow breaths that you take when you feel like you can't go on anymore but somehow you do. I'm talking like a full transportation of CO2 exhaled and O2 inhaled all the way into my cells, down into the electron transport chain where it pulls down all my carbons, to convert to energy.
When I reached my house, I felt for the first time since I quit crew, that I could still keep on running. Sure I'd hate myself, but I could do it. For me, that was monumental. In that moment, I felt victorious.
Fuck you demons, I'm still here, and I'm still going strong.
I'm 17 and a half. Yes I count months. I'm looking to start my senior year in high school. I'm gonna be applying to colleges, and taking my senior pictures in a blink of an eye. If I look at my life right now, and look at myself in the mirror; it's all such a far cry from that 14 year old girl back in 2010.
...It's that same question we all find asking ourselves, if we could go back, what would we tell our younger selves?
For me, I would go back to my 14 year old version, sit her ass down and tell her that even though her world is turned upside down, and even though, she doesn't know her ass from her elbow, she will figure it out. She will endure and be made stronger. I would tell her that even though her parents are turning into people she doesn't know, that the stars still died for her, that the sun will continue to rise in the east and sink in the west. That people still love her, and are still there for her. I would tell her that this is actually the best thing to happen for her and for her family yet. She just has to hold on, for tomorrow will be a little bit brighter, I would promise her that.
