back at last. an extra few days at mutantfest, a few days with a broken computer after that. now I'm alone with a glass of wine and a sleepy kitten wondering which - if any - of the things I've experienced in the past week are worthy of recording. here goes nothing:
mutantfest was just as I expected it to be; lazy days, overstimulating nights. it was over too soon, it lasted too long. the number one thing I learned while I was there was that I spent three years overestimating how much being friends with chris and spencer would change my life for the better. it was nice, don't get me wrong. traipsing through the underbrush with chris playing drunken capture the flag with the other camps, smoking with spencer in broken lawn chairs making veiled references to the past. mostly it just threw the fact that nothing will ever be the same into sharper and sharper relief as the days passed. it was almost a relief to realize that it wasn't just me being ostracized, it was time passing, people growing apart, life taking it's natural course. no one is exempt from that, I guess.
I slept for almost 20 hours straight when I got home. my voice still hasn't made a full comeback, although I think I've managed to get the last of the dirt out of my hair and clothes. huzzah.
settling back into the routine of my normal life has been harder than ever this time around though. maybe I'm just getting older, my brain has a harder time resetting it's habits and pathways at the drop of a hat these days.
talked to jason when I got back, made plans to see him that my heart really wasn't in. maybe it was being away for so long, maybe it was being around people with relationships steeped in shared history... whatever the case the urgency is gone, the feeling that if he doesn't call I'll crumble into dust or catch on fire. kinda takes most of the fun out of it if you ask me.
maybe it'll all change after we see each other, but part of me kind of doubts it. just bad timing, I guess.
mutantfest was just as I expected it to be; lazy days, overstimulating nights. it was over too soon, it lasted too long. the number one thing I learned while I was there was that I spent three years overestimating how much being friends with chris and spencer would change my life for the better. it was nice, don't get me wrong. traipsing through the underbrush with chris playing drunken capture the flag with the other camps, smoking with spencer in broken lawn chairs making veiled references to the past. mostly it just threw the fact that nothing will ever be the same into sharper and sharper relief as the days passed. it was almost a relief to realize that it wasn't just me being ostracized, it was time passing, people growing apart, life taking it's natural course. no one is exempt from that, I guess.
I slept for almost 20 hours straight when I got home. my voice still hasn't made a full comeback, although I think I've managed to get the last of the dirt out of my hair and clothes. huzzah.
settling back into the routine of my normal life has been harder than ever this time around though. maybe I'm just getting older, my brain has a harder time resetting it's habits and pathways at the drop of a hat these days.
talked to jason when I got back, made plans to see him that my heart really wasn't in. maybe it was being away for so long, maybe it was being around people with relationships steeped in shared history... whatever the case the urgency is gone, the feeling that if he doesn't call I'll crumble into dust or catch on fire. kinda takes most of the fun out of it if you ask me.
maybe it'll all change after we see each other, but part of me kind of doubts it. just bad timing, I guess.
