Currently I'm looking for scholarships for college. So far, not so good. I could get scholarships easily if they had more for poetry and writing. I really need to talk to my counselors because they probably have more information on this stuff than I do. Well, I have to get off to focus on finding them elusive scholarships. G'night.
Wednesday October 6, 2010. 5:29 P.M.:
So I realize that I ended my last update rather abruptly. I was really busy yesterday. I was also working on finding scholarships. I found out that my school holds essay contests every once in a while and I have to wait for them to actually get open. That's cool. I can play the waiting game. I am a very patient person. My Algebra three with Trig class was surprisingly easy today. I understand the stuff we're doing as if I was born knowing it. I finished a part of my homework in that class while in school which is a huge improvement on my part. I vowed that I would focus more on school this year and I have, and still will. There's no changing my goals for the year. It is my last year of high school and my last year of being a kid. My dad is teaching me how to drive, my friends are teaching me that it's okay to ask for help and that I don't have to keep everything all bottled up. Even when typing my feelings, it's hard to actually express them to my parents. I just don't understand why I can't tell them. Do I feel like I can't? Am I reluctant because I'm afraid they will think me weird or won't even take into consideration that I do have some underlying issues? I really have no clue as to why I can't tell them anything. In truth, I enlighten my dad more about my life than my mom. I guess it's because he's gone more often than she is. I've just never had as much time with him than I wanted.
The stupid song that I'm listening to is making my chest feel heavy with doubt and sadness. It sounds extremely dramatic of me but I'm serious. I love sad songs because they actually make me feel what I normally don't feel during the day. I never feel sad when I'm surrounded by friends and people I've grown with for four long years. I couldn't have grown up with people any better than them. Everything that I've gone through in high school has shaped me to who I am in this last year. Instead of moping around and dressing in black all the time, I dress like a girl, I wear make-up, I smile at everyone, and I can't help but be jolly. Some people may find it sickening that I'm too happy, but for me it's reassuring. I don't think I've ever been this happy in my entire life and it eases the depression by a landslide. I manage the Lacrosse team and I love all the kids who are a part of it. They are like my other family outside of the families I know on a daily basis. My best friend is like a sister to me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the classes
Wednesday October 6, 2010. 5:29 P.M.:
So I realize that I ended my last update rather abruptly. I was really busy yesterday. I was also working on finding scholarships. I found out that my school holds essay contests every once in a while and I have to wait for them to actually get open. That's cool. I can play the waiting game. I am a very patient person. My Algebra three with Trig class was surprisingly easy today. I understand the stuff we're doing as if I was born knowing it. I finished a part of my homework in that class while in school which is a huge improvement on my part. I vowed that I would focus more on school this year and I have, and still will. There's no changing my goals for the year. It is my last year of high school and my last year of being a kid. My dad is teaching me how to drive, my friends are teaching me that it's okay to ask for help and that I don't have to keep everything all bottled up. Even when typing my feelings, it's hard to actually express them to my parents. I just don't understand why I can't tell them. Do I feel like I can't? Am I reluctant because I'm afraid they will think me weird or won't even take into consideration that I do have some underlying issues? I really have no clue as to why I can't tell them anything. In truth, I enlighten my dad more about my life than my mom. I guess it's because he's gone more often than she is. I've just never had as much time with him than I wanted.
The stupid song that I'm listening to is making my chest feel heavy with doubt and sadness. It sounds extremely dramatic of me but I'm serious. I love sad songs because they actually make me feel what I normally don't feel during the day. I never feel sad when I'm surrounded by friends and people I've grown with for four long years. I couldn't have grown up with people any better than them. Everything that I've gone through in high school has shaped me to who I am in this last year. Instead of moping around and dressing in black all the time, I dress like a girl, I wear make-up, I smile at everyone, and I can't help but be jolly. Some people may find it sickening that I'm too happy, but for me it's reassuring. I don't think I've ever been this happy in my entire life and it eases the depression by a landslide. I manage the Lacrosse team and I love all the kids who are a part of it. They are like my other family outside of the families I know on a daily basis. My best friend is like a sister to me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the classes
