I've fallen behined. Severaly days on this thing. Today I am broke. More so than I was yesterday. Do I care? Only slightly but not enough to really register. My friend Dave says that a majority of Americans are goal/money oriented. That take away their money and most of them will break. He's an interrogator. You take away my money. It's not that big of a deal to me. Take away the means which I could reach my goals. Go for it. Torture me. Do whatever. I've kind of stopped caring all together. Perhaps its just my current mood. My fingers hurt from where I've chewed away bits of skin. Deep enough to see red. I've stopped biting my nails though. Nothing can ever just be. Not around me. There's always some crazy part of me that must have its havoc. I'm self destructive. Mentally mostly, but physically happens too. Mentally meaning, I'm good at convincing myself of things that may or may not be true. Quite generally these things are negative in context. I watch peoples mouths a lot when they talk. And can be very quiet in person when I do talk, which has been know to happen. You have to pay attention or chances are you'll miss what I've said and I wont repeat myself. I like to hang out and do nothing but sit. This is at night. I like to look up at the night sky and just think. But I like to do it in company. Most people wont do this with me. I can go long periods of time just doing this, others like to be up and moving and doing something. I like to sit. At times I like to think. Ponder would probably be a better word. Or not. I dont rightly know.
I write letters almost every day. About things that are happening, things that he's missing. Try to keep him up to date and informed. I wonder if he gets them all. I dont get to hear from him often. Thats part of boot camp though. Limited personal time. I'm a Military brat. I know a few things.