I play way too much to make any sort of sense. With people I mean. I can plant a seed of interest, and before you know it they're hooked. Maybe its some unnatural ability, and I've managed to harness a tiny portion of it. I'm aware of its existence but not always of its power. Where does it come from? That draw toward certain people? If I could I'd pull back on my draw a little sometimes. Get out of bad situations that I cant blame anyone but myself for being in. It's not always like my intention is to hurt people, although admittedly at times it is. When I'm angry or hurting, I want people to feel that too. Frankly I do it so I dont feel like I'm alone in that, I know there are roughly thousands of other people out there who feel like shit as well. But what if I want something more immediate? More tangible? Am I being selfish?
Sometimes I put on my headphones and forget to turn on the music, but its not always that bad. The muffled sounds around me, whether its just my fan, or family, its comforting having it blocked out but not completely. It gives me a way out, a birds eye view or ear in this case. Like its not me listening but someone else, and I can hear all the little undertones of things, but thats what brings me back, becuase no outsider would notice all the little undertones. Its my family, thats why I notice.
What if it was all different, a memory without a memory. That makes no sense. Suppose none of it does. Rant rant rant. My mother tells me, her dream is to see her children successful. Not happy, she wants success. She wants a portion of our success too. I'm almost sure of it. Is it wrong to think of my mother like that?
Love. An overly familiar word. Though it still stirs butterflies and blushes. "Love is blind." Makes the blind lucky in a way, they've one up-ed us sighted people. That's mean, but this at this time I could care less. Or would I have mentioned that it was mean, if that were the case? Answer is yes, I like to point things out.
I dont contribute, my mother yelled that at me today. If I dont like the way things are she tells me I can leave. Sometimes I'd really like to, and leave behind a hidden camera and watch her react. I've done it once before, she was nice. My whole family was. Then things went to shit and I had to come back. I have no room, none for me.
Sometimes I put on my headphones and forget to turn on the music, but its not always that bad. The muffled sounds around me, whether its just my fan, or family, its comforting having it blocked out but not completely. It gives me a way out, a birds eye view or ear in this case. Like its not me listening but someone else, and I can hear all the little undertones of things, but thats what brings me back, becuase no outsider would notice all the little undertones. Its my family, thats why I notice.
What if it was all different, a memory without a memory. That makes no sense. Suppose none of it does. Rant rant rant. My mother tells me, her dream is to see her children successful. Not happy, she wants success. She wants a portion of our success too. I'm almost sure of it. Is it wrong to think of my mother like that?
Love. An overly familiar word. Though it still stirs butterflies and blushes. "Love is blind." Makes the blind lucky in a way, they've one up-ed us sighted people. That's mean, but this at this time I could care less. Or would I have mentioned that it was mean, if that were the case? Answer is yes, I like to point things out.
I dont contribute, my mother yelled that at me today. If I dont like the way things are she tells me I can leave. Sometimes I'd really like to, and leave behind a hidden camera and watch her react. I've done it once before, she was nice. My whole family was. Then things went to shit and I had to come back. I have no room, none for me.
