I am disgusting. I am the putrified remains of something once glorious and beautiful. I am that which is no more but is locked into an existence forced. I am a farmed and cultivated youth. I know what I am told. My life is my slavery. My benefit is not my own, but the fault is mine forever. I will see it all to the end, I will play my part silent and abused. I see the conflict and I will take the beating. Thank you for the rape, it appears it's what I've deserved. This holisic pain is most refreshing. I will fight off showing my visible weakness, make you believe I am stronger than reality, and view my breaking from the sidelines. Destruction and chaos, the seeds you know well to sew. I wont complain. I'll be quiet. And to your face I'll hide what hurts. I'll hum you to sleep and pray you'll stay with me, that you wont abondon me leave me broken and in need. But secretly I expect you to. I expect you to hurt me. Becuase you already have but I hid it well enough then, and you didnt notice.