But, who am I to judge?
I decided to forget about it and move on. Today was another day. Or so I thought. Justine and I had a pool day, which means step in the pool, find a floatation device, and lay on it for the rest of the afternoon to get as much sun as possible. It worked - I currently could be mistaken for a few different ethnicities. During lunch I decided to call Michael and see if he was available. I figured it was time to get over this fear of his piercing, see it, and deal with it. What I got was a typical answer: "I have rehearsal and then I'm going to a party. In the city." The common gay-man translation for that is: "I have stuff to do, and your mad at me, so why do you care? There are other people in my life that I associate with." I ended the conversation right then and there. I said my "goodbye" and hung up. Eventually I sent him a text message asking him when he was free next. Again, typical response: "I don't know." Now I was frustrated. A sharp comment about his availability and his communication with me turned into "We need to talk. Not while you're out." So now he wanted to be angry but not resolve the issue. Or in some sick, twisted way, he wanted to make sure I wasn't actually having fun while I was out. I tried to deal with the issue, but he wanted no part of it. My next question was "Well when are we going to deal with it?" I never actually did ask him, which is why I'm up at one in the morning writing all of this down.
He wants to create problems, but not solve them, hear about my problems and analyze them, anything to show that he's a prominent part of my life. I can't figure this out. And he can't figure me out either. One statement written text suddenly becomes a monumental ordeal; I'm being passive, I'm not sorry, he doesn't believe me, I'm not being sincere. But does he want to ever think about what's going on in my head and why I'm making these statements? I have more questions than ever, none of which will receive their answer.
I tell you gentlemen here today, I'm close to folding. I have never been so anxious about a situation that I just want to shut it all down. The friendship, the past, the communication, everything. I'll be called a coward among other things. Not like that's a first.
I decided to forget about it and move on. Today was another day. Or so I thought. Justine and I had a pool day, which means step in the pool, find a floatation device, and lay on it for the rest of the afternoon to get as much sun as possible. It worked - I currently could be mistaken for a few different ethnicities. During lunch I decided to call Michael and see if he was available. I figured it was time to get over this fear of his piercing, see it, and deal with it. What I got was a typical answer: "I have rehearsal and then I'm going to a party. In the city." The common gay-man translation for that is: "I have stuff to do, and your mad at me, so why do you care? There are other people in my life that I associate with." I ended the conversation right then and there. I said my "goodbye" and hung up. Eventually I sent him a text message asking him when he was free next. Again, typical response: "I don't know." Now I was frustrated. A sharp comment about his availability and his communication with me turned into "We need to talk. Not while you're out." So now he wanted to be angry but not resolve the issue. Or in some sick, twisted way, he wanted to make sure I wasn't actually having fun while I was out. I tried to deal with the issue, but he wanted no part of it. My next question was "Well when are we going to deal with it?" I never actually did ask him, which is why I'm up at one in the morning writing all of this down.
He wants to create problems, but not solve them, hear about my problems and analyze them, anything to show that he's a prominent part of my life. I can't figure this out. And he can't figure me out either. One statement written text suddenly becomes a monumental ordeal; I'm being passive, I'm not sorry, he doesn't believe me, I'm not being sincere. But does he want to ever think about what's going on in my head and why I'm making these statements? I have more questions than ever, none of which will receive their answer.
I tell you gentlemen here today, I'm close to folding. I have never been so anxious about a situation that I just want to shut it all down. The friendship, the past, the communication, everything. I'll be called a coward among other things. Not like that's a first.
