I'm sitting here, in my cozy room in my round chair, listening to the rain. The rain outside my window and the rain running down my cheeks in the form of tears. All was lost. I couldn't feel anything anymore. To be truthful, I was grateful not to feel. I could only hope the numbness will ease and I will feel the glory of the sun. I wanted to be alive but not feel; awake but not in pain; alert but not too much.
Death is not the answer.
I see that now.
But at the time it seemed reasonable. A way out. An easy way out.
So I took it.

"Time to go."
Again with the yelling in the morning.
I am not a morning person. I don't like the sun peeking through my shades. Or the birds chirping merrily from the tree outside my window. And I especially don't like to hear my sister's voice before lunch time.
"You promised to drive today!"
Again with the promises. Not all promises are meant to be kept.
And not all are worth keeping.
But Georgie is my younger sister and I did make an overt gesture of sister commradeire on the first day of school.
My school.
I had walked the halls on my own, without sharing, for three years now.
Today, I would need to start hiding myself. Or the self I most often portrayed to others.
I wasn't perfect.
But I tried to be.
That's is where the trouble started.
I could blame it on my mom.
But I don't have one.
I could blame it on the way I was potty trained, but I don't remember.
I could also blame it on myself. Because really, it was about me. And my life. And the choises I made, but that would be too east.