"shanice, i'm sure that you have life all figured out and your heat is on and you have no problems but i didn't do shit to make this happen. there is something clearly wrong here."
"well sir, with all do respect, you didn't do shit to not make this happen either." this was before these types of phone conversations were "monitored for quality assurance".
"fuck you! you dumb bitch. you don't know me! you don't know my life! i'm a good person! do you hear me you dumb stupid ugly bitch? do you hear me? listen to me when i'm talking to you! fuck you!!!!" i said.
"hello? hello? HELLO!?" she had hung up. i don't exactly know when. at that point it didn't really matter whether or not she had the last word, she had the last word. i had to pay the fucking bill and get the dumbass electric turned back on.
at this point you would think that i had some sembelance of a notion that i was getting proverbially fucked in the ass by my roomate. no lube of course. more like a sandpaper condom covered in tacks. yeah tacks.
i went to "the keg" party store. in michigan you go to a party store. in ohio you go to a carry out. both names are stupid but carry out seems more stupid because it's in ohio and ohio is fucking lame. the only things cool about ohio are that neil young song about the kent university shootings (shitty story but great song) and the fact that you can buy beer fucking everywhere. oh yeah, i went to the gas station to get some gas and a payday candy bar and a fucking 40oz. i mean come on, that shit is fucking badass. so i walk into the party store and get a money order for $378.90 and a stamp to cover my extremely tardy electric bill. $378.90 was a huge bill. my apartment was about 300 square feet, that kind of electric bill was about 9 months worth of bills accumulated and coupled with a $50 fee. there are no excuses on where the check is this time, i have the stub. i can track it if necessary. now it's time to find my fucking liar roomate don.
he worked at a local dairy picking ice cream orders for grocery stores and stadiums and the like. he worked at night, usually 5pm - 1:30am. he always bought beer at the 7-11 and drove home. the drive was about a half hour. i decided to go and see him. it was about 6:30pm. i walked in and saw jeremey. he was a cool dude, good friends with don and tim. then i saw tim, then i saw ron. ron lived downriver. his name was ron mcdonald. no shit. ronald mcfuckindonald. you can't make that shit up. i went there a bunch of times. we always had a shit load of ice cream in our freezer, pallets would get damaged and in turn we had a ton of ice cream. i guess don was good for something.
"well sir, with all do respect, you didn't do shit to not make this happen either." this was before these types of phone conversations were "monitored for quality assurance".
"fuck you! you dumb bitch. you don't know me! you don't know my life! i'm a good person! do you hear me you dumb stupid ugly bitch? do you hear me? listen to me when i'm talking to you! fuck you!!!!" i said.
"hello? hello? HELLO!?" she had hung up. i don't exactly know when. at that point it didn't really matter whether or not she had the last word, she had the last word. i had to pay the fucking bill and get the dumbass electric turned back on.
at this point you would think that i had some sembelance of a notion that i was getting proverbially fucked in the ass by my roomate. no lube of course. more like a sandpaper condom covered in tacks. yeah tacks.
i went to "the keg" party store. in michigan you go to a party store. in ohio you go to a carry out. both names are stupid but carry out seems more stupid because it's in ohio and ohio is fucking lame. the only things cool about ohio are that neil young song about the kent university shootings (shitty story but great song) and the fact that you can buy beer fucking everywhere. oh yeah, i went to the gas station to get some gas and a payday candy bar and a fucking 40oz. i mean come on, that shit is fucking badass. so i walk into the party store and get a money order for $378.90 and a stamp to cover my extremely tardy electric bill. $378.90 was a huge bill. my apartment was about 300 square feet, that kind of electric bill was about 9 months worth of bills accumulated and coupled with a $50 fee. there are no excuses on where the check is this time, i have the stub. i can track it if necessary. now it's time to find my fucking liar roomate don.
he worked at a local dairy picking ice cream orders for grocery stores and stadiums and the like. he worked at night, usually 5pm - 1:30am. he always bought beer at the 7-11 and drove home. the drive was about a half hour. i decided to go and see him. it was about 6:30pm. i walked in and saw jeremey. he was a cool dude, good friends with don and tim. then i saw tim, then i saw ron. ron lived downriver. his name was ron mcdonald. no shit. ronald mcfuckindonald. you can't make that shit up. i went there a bunch of times. we always had a shit load of ice cream in our freezer, pallets would get damaged and in turn we had a ton of ice cream. i guess don was good for something.
