I'm not sure if anyone thought I was writing fiction, but I'm just going to put this out there: Anything I say here is my honest-to-god, raw feelings. I'm not writing a fucking book here, ok? I'm just a normal person, with normal feelings, trying to expel every bad feeling that infects my body. If you can't handle that, then I'm not sorry. Because I don't live to please anyone. You think I'm a bitch? Well, too bad. You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give.
My family is going through a hard time right now (by family, I mean my Dad's side). My grandpa just went through extensive back surgery so he feels like shit. And then, to add to that pile of shit, his daughter just committed suicide. Happy family? I think not.
But I'll keep my fingers crossed, in hope that maybe something, anything, will offer the tiniest glimpse of sunshine in this dark, gloomy world I live in.
I will not pray to god. Mainly, because I am an atheist (and proud of it). And, I think it's cowardly. If you want shit to get done, do it yourself. Don't pray to fucking Jesus to get you through your problems.
I'm going to get through this, and so will the rest of my family. We will get through this together. We don't need some bearded guy from up in the clouds to wave his magic wand above us and cure all our issues and depression.
No thank you Jesus, we will do just fine.
The funeral is in exactly one week. We're driving up north to offer our love and support. And to serve as a shoulder to cry on (though I may be the one actually crying). I've got to keep it together, for Curtis at least. Because I know he's hurting right now. He might even be a mute. If that is the case, I'm going to make it my mission to get him to talk to me. Even though we haven't "really" talked in over six years.
I'm not sure how I'll do it, but I will. I'm not going to make him forget. Or try to get "over it." Because that's not how life works. That's just avoiding the problem, ignoring the grieving process. And as much as I am a coward for trying to escape my problems, I want to help Curtis get through his.
I will be the lighthouse to his ship.
That's enough for me.
My family is going through a hard time right now (by family, I mean my Dad's side). My grandpa just went through extensive back surgery so he feels like shit. And then, to add to that pile of shit, his daughter just committed suicide. Happy family? I think not.
But I'll keep my fingers crossed, in hope that maybe something, anything, will offer the tiniest glimpse of sunshine in this dark, gloomy world I live in.
I will not pray to god. Mainly, because I am an atheist (and proud of it). And, I think it's cowardly. If you want shit to get done, do it yourself. Don't pray to fucking Jesus to get you through your problems.
I'm going to get through this, and so will the rest of my family. We will get through this together. We don't need some bearded guy from up in the clouds to wave his magic wand above us and cure all our issues and depression.
No thank you Jesus, we will do just fine.
The funeral is in exactly one week. We're driving up north to offer our love and support. And to serve as a shoulder to cry on (though I may be the one actually crying). I've got to keep it together, for Curtis at least. Because I know he's hurting right now. He might even be a mute. If that is the case, I'm going to make it my mission to get him to talk to me. Even though we haven't "really" talked in over six years.
I'm not sure how I'll do it, but I will. I'm not going to make him forget. Or try to get "over it." Because that's not how life works. That's just avoiding the problem, ignoring the grieving process. And as much as I am a coward for trying to escape my problems, I want to help Curtis get through his.
I will be the lighthouse to his ship.
That's enough for me.
