Talking to my mom is like talking to an idiot savant. She will not talk on your terms, no matter what. The threat of losing her son forever doesn't slight her in the least - she will not do what she does not want to do. A bit of a bulldog tenacity there.
As you know, I was not feeling good about calling. A calm sereneness came over me as I said what I had to say. But to hear her ignore me, to talk about italian vacations when I wanted to talk about why I didn't want to come. She has problems - serious mental problems. Need to remind myself of that. She buried herself in a world of possessions, didn't think of cleaning me, had no friends, constantly gritting her teeth at the injustices of the world. She has serious problems. Logic and reason will not apply.
So think of it this way: who will get mad at someone with a mental disease? How can you blame an autistic person for their autism. She is a clear candidate of asperger's disease, on top of that years of depression can form deep habit grooves in her mind. It's not your fault. Don't spend so much of your waking life thinking about it. The problem is never solved. Why does it have to be solved? Let it go.
I want a family, a wife, a home, a car. I'm 34 and I don't have a girlfriend, and my bank account is on empty, and my credit card debt grows. A long and arduous climb out of a deep pit, or a brand new start whenever I want? It really could be either one, couldn't it? I choose the latter.
I don't want to get addicted to clonapin. It helps me take my mind off weed, though. I'm on it right now. I feel, on the eve of this Thanksgiving, that it's not a big deal that I'm not with my family. And I like that. I don't want it to be a big deal. Do I need this pill to tell me that? Well, it definitely pushes me in that direction.
I've been with this girl for one date and I already feel the claws digging in: what if her new roommate is a male and they end up falling in love? What if she jsut wants me for sex? Oh god will I ever be in love? What happens if she sees my place and doesn't talk to me again?
As you know, I was not feeling good about calling. A calm sereneness came over me as I said what I had to say. But to hear her ignore me, to talk about italian vacations when I wanted to talk about why I didn't want to come. She has problems - serious mental problems. Need to remind myself of that. She buried herself in a world of possessions, didn't think of cleaning me, had no friends, constantly gritting her teeth at the injustices of the world. She has serious problems. Logic and reason will not apply.
So think of it this way: who will get mad at someone with a mental disease? How can you blame an autistic person for their autism. She is a clear candidate of asperger's disease, on top of that years of depression can form deep habit grooves in her mind. It's not your fault. Don't spend so much of your waking life thinking about it. The problem is never solved. Why does it have to be solved? Let it go.
I want a family, a wife, a home, a car. I'm 34 and I don't have a girlfriend, and my bank account is on empty, and my credit card debt grows. A long and arduous climb out of a deep pit, or a brand new start whenever I want? It really could be either one, couldn't it? I choose the latter.
I don't want to get addicted to clonapin. It helps me take my mind off weed, though. I'm on it right now. I feel, on the eve of this Thanksgiving, that it's not a big deal that I'm not with my family. And I like that. I don't want it to be a big deal. Do I need this pill to tell me that? Well, it definitely pushes me in that direction.
I've been with this girl for one date and I already feel the claws digging in: what if her new roommate is a male and they end up falling in love? What if she jsut wants me for sex? Oh god will I ever be in love? What happens if she sees my place and doesn't talk to me again?
