It's been almost two years since i last posted stuff on here. I just re-read all the things I wrote and I can't believe I was in such a dark place. Also some stuff is just embarrassing as fuck. I'm glad it seems so distant now, I'm glad I don't hate myself anymore.
A lot has changed, but I guess the main thing is that I got a dog, a beautiful Jack Russell named Ollie, sun of my life. It's unbelievable what a dog can do for you.
And even though things are good now, last night something really embarrassing happened. It was like going back in time, when I completely despised myself.
I ended up changing my major to graphic design and it's going really well.
That friend i had a super dramatic relationship with? We're fine now, we're okay.
I barely talk to Jez anymore but I'm not mega-sad about it. We're friendly acquaintances and I'm fine with that.
Lately I realised how lucky I really am, and I'm glad I feel good now 'cause I just felt terrible about being sad when I didn't really have a reason to.
I guess this is not that interesting when you're not feeling that bad. And i'm fucking tired of criticising myself, it's fucking pointless and a waste of time.
Socially i'm doing a lot better too. I actually talk to people now and I'm not afraid of doing a lot of things that used to scare me deeply. I couldn't afford that if I wanted to become an okay adult.
Right now, right this instant, i'm really freaking out about my 'future', 'cause ill be done with school in a year. The real world (as middle aged people like to call it, as if what we live before that is just a joke, an awkward rehearsal) looks really scary at the moment.
The semester is now over and I did very good, so I'm proud of myself, naturally.
I don't know how interesting or nice it'll be to read about how good someone's doing, but I guess the important thing about this is that three years ago I thought I was never gonna live long enough to turn 20. I'm glad I didn't do anything too stupid back then. I don't mind having a bunch of scars on my arm when I can lie under the sun with my dog.
A lot has changed, but I guess the main thing is that I got a dog, a beautiful Jack Russell named Ollie, sun of my life. It's unbelievable what a dog can do for you.
And even though things are good now, last night something really embarrassing happened. It was like going back in time, when I completely despised myself.
I ended up changing my major to graphic design and it's going really well.
That friend i had a super dramatic relationship with? We're fine now, we're okay.
I barely talk to Jez anymore but I'm not mega-sad about it. We're friendly acquaintances and I'm fine with that.
Lately I realised how lucky I really am, and I'm glad I feel good now 'cause I just felt terrible about being sad when I didn't really have a reason to.
I guess this is not that interesting when you're not feeling that bad. And i'm fucking tired of criticising myself, it's fucking pointless and a waste of time.
Socially i'm doing a lot better too. I actually talk to people now and I'm not afraid of doing a lot of things that used to scare me deeply. I couldn't afford that if I wanted to become an okay adult.
Right now, right this instant, i'm really freaking out about my 'future', 'cause ill be done with school in a year. The real world (as middle aged people like to call it, as if what we live before that is just a joke, an awkward rehearsal) looks really scary at the moment.
The semester is now over and I did very good, so I'm proud of myself, naturally.
I don't know how interesting or nice it'll be to read about how good someone's doing, but I guess the important thing about this is that three years ago I thought I was never gonna live long enough to turn 20. I'm glad I didn't do anything too stupid back then. I don't mind having a bunch of scars on my arm when I can lie under the sun with my dog.
