It's 3 44, on july 10th, and I'm not going to sleep.
I'm currently listening to songs that drive me crazy, and I think I deserve it.
These last couple of days haven't been the best, but that's an old story.
Right now I'm ashamed of feeling awful. I probably don't have the right to, but nobody has to find out.
I don't want to think the universe has conspired against me, or something, 'cause that would be like saying I'm that important. I'm not. Nobody is.
I'm expecting distractions to save me from not finding anything to live for.
This is embarrassing, feeling this way is extremely ridiculous, I know. But that doesn't make me stop.
I try not to think of anyone else, because the friends they have remind me of the ones I don't. Am I selfish? Probably. I just can't bring myself to feel happy for them instead of feeling bad for myself.
Am I selfish? Clearly.
I don't want to give the 'nobody cares' speech, because that's not true. But it is true that the ones that I want to care, don't.
But, who ever said we could have it all?
The other day I saw how a girl complained about the same things I'm too scared and ashamed to complain about. It was weird. I never thought complaining about that could make sense. Maybe I blame myself too much all the time. At least it's safer. And nobody ever apologizes anyway.
It's frustrating to know what's wrong, but not having the will, or strength, or time, or braveness to fix it.
I was hoping I could do this on my own. It certainly felt like I had no choice. Did I though? I don't even want to consider I had but it's too late now. There's no worse feeling than knowing that what could've been won't ever be because of your mistakes.
I just want to know I'm good enough.
"With all the luck you have, why are your songs so sad?" -Emily Haines
I'm currently listening to songs that drive me crazy, and I think I deserve it.
These last couple of days haven't been the best, but that's an old story.
Right now I'm ashamed of feeling awful. I probably don't have the right to, but nobody has to find out.
I don't want to think the universe has conspired against me, or something, 'cause that would be like saying I'm that important. I'm not. Nobody is.
I'm expecting distractions to save me from not finding anything to live for.
This is embarrassing, feeling this way is extremely ridiculous, I know. But that doesn't make me stop.
I try not to think of anyone else, because the friends they have remind me of the ones I don't. Am I selfish? Probably. I just can't bring myself to feel happy for them instead of feeling bad for myself.
Am I selfish? Clearly.
I don't want to give the 'nobody cares' speech, because that's not true. But it is true that the ones that I want to care, don't.
But, who ever said we could have it all?
The other day I saw how a girl complained about the same things I'm too scared and ashamed to complain about. It was weird. I never thought complaining about that could make sense. Maybe I blame myself too much all the time. At least it's safer. And nobody ever apologizes anyway.
It's frustrating to know what's wrong, but not having the will, or strength, or time, or braveness to fix it.
I was hoping I could do this on my own. It certainly felt like I had no choice. Did I though? I don't even want to consider I had but it's too late now. There's no worse feeling than knowing that what could've been won't ever be because of your mistakes.
I just want to know I'm good enough.
"With all the luck you have, why are your songs so sad?" -Emily Haines
