Dear Friend,
How did we get here? I used to think the world of you. I used to revolve around you. And now I look back and all I have are questions? Why?
Why is it that some relationships work, and others fail? I've never been in love, and maybe will never be, but you taught me a lesson anyway. That when two people come together, they have rough edges. They hurt each other. They bleed. And only time and effort can sand those edges away until they fit. Did we never fit? I think a part of us did, like my arm fit into yours as we walked awhile in each other's company. But it didn't go deeper than that. We wanted different things from life, and expected different things from each other. In our friendship, I have loved and resented you, hurt and insulted you, felt neglected and frustrated by you. And what hurts the most, is that I don't think you realize any of this. Am I really that easy to forget?
It is easy to say now that it was my fault for pushing that expectation on you, but not being honest enough. I designed a friendship to fail, to be disappointed.
So I left. I left town. I left the goddamned country. You made other friends. We barely talk, except to exchange perfunctory greetings on our respective birthdays. The last time we met, your parents called me fat and I listened to your stories, and I didn't say anything.
Is the bitterness gone? It is fading. It is fading, and I am learning to be a better friend. Thank you for the lesson. Remember when people said we looked alike? Sometimes, it felt like you were a mirror to the worse parts of me. I realized then how dangerous it would be to live your life revolving around someone.
These days, I live by myself in a house full of people. I have a new best friend. But she knows me inside out. She knows my deepest secrets. And I am there for her as she is there for me. But my arm does not grip her too tight. Lesson learned. I think I am a better person for it.
Yours,
Mayumi
How did we get here? I used to think the world of you. I used to revolve around you. And now I look back and all I have are questions? Why?
Why is it that some relationships work, and others fail? I've never been in love, and maybe will never be, but you taught me a lesson anyway. That when two people come together, they have rough edges. They hurt each other. They bleed. And only time and effort can sand those edges away until they fit. Did we never fit? I think a part of us did, like my arm fit into yours as we walked awhile in each other's company. But it didn't go deeper than that. We wanted different things from life, and expected different things from each other. In our friendship, I have loved and resented you, hurt and insulted you, felt neglected and frustrated by you. And what hurts the most, is that I don't think you realize any of this. Am I really that easy to forget?
It is easy to say now that it was my fault for pushing that expectation on you, but not being honest enough. I designed a friendship to fail, to be disappointed.
So I left. I left town. I left the goddamned country. You made other friends. We barely talk, except to exchange perfunctory greetings on our respective birthdays. The last time we met, your parents called me fat and I listened to your stories, and I didn't say anything.
Is the bitterness gone? It is fading. It is fading, and I am learning to be a better friend. Thank you for the lesson. Remember when people said we looked alike? Sometimes, it felt like you were a mirror to the worse parts of me. I realized then how dangerous it would be to live your life revolving around someone.
These days, I live by myself in a house full of people. I have a new best friend. But she knows me inside out. She knows my deepest secrets. And I am there for her as she is there for me. But my arm does not grip her too tight. Lesson learned. I think I am a better person for it.
Yours,
Mayumi
