Dear Friend,
I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I could honor the trust you have shown me.
You are so special to me, you know. One week back in town on vacation, and I met you first. And it was like picking up a thread we had dropped, so easy, so effortless. It dawned on me that the country I thought I had so easily and effortlessly abandoned--that was just a delusion. I have sown more seeds and put down more roots than I knew.
I came back for you, on this day that you have been waiting for all your life. This guy had better treat you right, friend, but I will not threaten him. I know you can handle him yourself. I didn't cry that day, but I'm close to tears now. How do you be happy? It is a question I turn over and over in my mind. I hope you will find out the answer in your new life together.
We met in 2001. French class. You had a wicked sense of humor. We watched a basketball game together. A cheerleading competition. (We won!) A college tradition of naked guys running down the halls. We exchanged gifts on birthdays. I sent you postcards. We never never run out of things to say. Remember that time we shared a single slice of cake in a coffeeshop for hours? We never finished that slice, too busy talking and talking.
And yet. I wish I could tell you everything.
Why am I hiding? It's second nature. The world is a terrible place when it comes to judging people. But I can forget the world. It's friends and family that can really slide the knife deepest. I don't even think about it anymore. I think I may be a better actor than I realize. It's because I'm very good at lying to myself.
Will I ever be happy? I'm never going to get married like you, my friend. I'm too eager to escape the burden of expectations to fall in love. But happiness, well, I'm not giving up on that yet.
Maybe someday...
Mayumi
I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I could honor the trust you have shown me.
You are so special to me, you know. One week back in town on vacation, and I met you first. And it was like picking up a thread we had dropped, so easy, so effortless. It dawned on me that the country I thought I had so easily and effortlessly abandoned--that was just a delusion. I have sown more seeds and put down more roots than I knew.
I came back for you, on this day that you have been waiting for all your life. This guy had better treat you right, friend, but I will not threaten him. I know you can handle him yourself. I didn't cry that day, but I'm close to tears now. How do you be happy? It is a question I turn over and over in my mind. I hope you will find out the answer in your new life together.
We met in 2001. French class. You had a wicked sense of humor. We watched a basketball game together. A cheerleading competition. (We won!) A college tradition of naked guys running down the halls. We exchanged gifts on birthdays. I sent you postcards. We never never run out of things to say. Remember that time we shared a single slice of cake in a coffeeshop for hours? We never finished that slice, too busy talking and talking.
And yet. I wish I could tell you everything.
Why am I hiding? It's second nature. The world is a terrible place when it comes to judging people. But I can forget the world. It's friends and family that can really slide the knife deepest. I don't even think about it anymore. I think I may be a better actor than I realize. It's because I'm very good at lying to myself.
Will I ever be happy? I'm never going to get married like you, my friend. I'm too eager to escape the burden of expectations to fall in love. But happiness, well, I'm not giving up on that yet.
Maybe someday...
Mayumi
