The situation here has improved exponentially since the addition of some dank-as-shit California herb. I have never smoked this much in my life: in my few sober hours a day I consider the effect that this dependency might take on the rest of my life; and then I see him and all becomes immediately clear. Our relationship improves when I'm high, as his loud breathing and arrogant lip smacking don't seem to penetrate. My god, that word makes me shudder.
The only downside (and it's one of those backhanded downsides) is that because of the loss of my obsessive control over my thoughts, I am thinking more and more about the glorious young man that I had been working so hard to banish from my mind. Today I found myself dwadling much too long in the shower, fully immersed in some nonsensical daydream about hiking and fort building. The fact that my dreams have become specific journeys very much baffles me: I have now becomes so desperate to remove myself from my current situation that my mind has gone into hyperdrive. I spend half my time in this world, doing dishes, wiping scummy shower stains, Swiffering every substance known to man; and the other half of the time, I'm still physically doing those things but my mind imagines I'm doing something equally absurd like romantically strolling in some beachfront town, or.... laughing. SomeTHING enjoyable with someONE enjoyable.
And now it's time to roll up my sleeves, collect some recipes, put on some makeup and scurry my little ass over to Whole Foods where I will play happy housewife shopping for cure to the constant issue: Low cal, high flavour dishes. Whole Foods and I have performed more miracles in that kitchen than Christ did during his last 5 years on earth. Or something like that.
The only downside (and it's one of those backhanded downsides) is that because of the loss of my obsessive control over my thoughts, I am thinking more and more about the glorious young man that I had been working so hard to banish from my mind. Today I found myself dwadling much too long in the shower, fully immersed in some nonsensical daydream about hiking and fort building. The fact that my dreams have become specific journeys very much baffles me: I have now becomes so desperate to remove myself from my current situation that my mind has gone into hyperdrive. I spend half my time in this world, doing dishes, wiping scummy shower stains, Swiffering every substance known to man; and the other half of the time, I'm still physically doing those things but my mind imagines I'm doing something equally absurd like romantically strolling in some beachfront town, or.... laughing. SomeTHING enjoyable with someONE enjoyable.
And now it's time to roll up my sleeves, collect some recipes, put on some makeup and scurry my little ass over to Whole Foods where I will play happy housewife shopping for cure to the constant issue: Low cal, high flavour dishes. Whole Foods and I have performed more miracles in that kitchen than Christ did during his last 5 years on earth. Or something like that.
