He tells me, this boy who had kissed me only the day before, that he is sorry, but we can no longer play together. My heart breaks. I cry in front of him, and am ashamed for crying. I tell him that I wasn't aware it was all a game. He says that he is sorry, and walks away from me.

I am angry. I am sad. I cry and cry and cry, until I have no tears left. My anger turns inward, and I learn to hate. I hate myself. I hate the other boys. I hate the girls who snicker at me as I pass. I hate, and I am bitter. I am bitter most of all because I cannot find it in me to hate him.

I learn my hardest lesson; people are not what they say they are. They cannot be trusted. Most of them are not true, and they will sacrifice you for their own comfort.

I spend the rest of the year teaching myself to be hard, to have a soul of steel and ice. I try to kill every emotion within myself, so that i will be empty and free of pain. I learn how not to trust. My self hatred deepens, I lose all my friends. I tell myself I do not care. I tell myself to be cold. I trust no one, and speak to few.

It takes three years before I trust anyone again. By this time I have blossomed into a pretty, if rather amazonian, young woman. I do not know that I am pretty. But I slowly learn. My icy heart begins to melt. But there are scars there that will never go away.

It is silly, what a hard lesson learned young can do to a girl. I look back on it all and think it silly. I learn to forgive, but I do not forget. I go on with my life, I move to a new school. With time, I become a functional human being. Relatively.

I still feel very separated from everyone else. One of my friends jokingly tells me I have trust issues. I think he is right,