Alas, the trial has commenced. I am told, by some foul being, to rise before the holy order. They seem less than holy to me. Shining children, secure in all their judgmental glory, more like. For all that i used to be one of you, my brothers and sisters, never have I felt more like an outcast. I almost say this aloud to the jurors, but do not. I see you in the room, and cannot take my eyes off you, though the son of God is shining with such harsh white light not a few feet from me. That's right, I remember. I am guilty.
"The accused is brought before us today..." I do not listen to what the Herald says. I know what he says is true. I have eyes only for you, while you have eyes only for HIM. The glory entrances you, as it never did me. You will not become bored with HIS perfection, and would follow HIM with a single minded loyalty that I have only ever played at. It is one of the reasons I loved you so. You, with your beautiful face, flawless form, and shining eyes, see yourself as so imperfect compared with your Holy father. Perhaps you are, but I cannot see it.
This is not much of a trial. We all know what the outcome will be. "Guilty! Guilty as charged!" I can hear the voice of the judge already. And Jesus, our good Lord, will be sitting there, staring at me with his sad, sad eyes, as if i had personally wounded him. I can hear the bitterness in my own thoughts, and for this i am ashamed. It changes nothing.
When the herald says my name to pronounce my sentence, you look over at me with fear in your eyes. You are afraid for me, and I am filled with a bittersweet joy. Since we first touched, I knew that you would never love me so much as you loved HIM. it is nice to know that you have loved me at all. Better to know that though I am punished, You will go free. They have not accused you yet. My admittance to guilt, my lack of aggression, has saved you. It is all I could ask for.
Then, "He who has seduced this being of angelic form shall step forward." You begin your slow walk to the podium, eyes raised. No. NO! This cannot be! I would never have wanted you to share in my punishment. My love, what have you done?
"The accused is brought before us today..." I do not listen to what the Herald says. I know what he says is true. I have eyes only for you, while you have eyes only for HIM. The glory entrances you, as it never did me. You will not become bored with HIS perfection, and would follow HIM with a single minded loyalty that I have only ever played at. It is one of the reasons I loved you so. You, with your beautiful face, flawless form, and shining eyes, see yourself as so imperfect compared with your Holy father. Perhaps you are, but I cannot see it.
This is not much of a trial. We all know what the outcome will be. "Guilty! Guilty as charged!" I can hear the voice of the judge already. And Jesus, our good Lord, will be sitting there, staring at me with his sad, sad eyes, as if i had personally wounded him. I can hear the bitterness in my own thoughts, and for this i am ashamed. It changes nothing.
When the herald says my name to pronounce my sentence, you look over at me with fear in your eyes. You are afraid for me, and I am filled with a bittersweet joy. Since we first touched, I knew that you would never love me so much as you loved HIM. it is nice to know that you have loved me at all. Better to know that though I am punished, You will go free. They have not accused you yet. My admittance to guilt, my lack of aggression, has saved you. It is all I could ask for.
Then, "He who has seduced this being of angelic form shall step forward." You begin your slow walk to the podium, eyes raised. No. NO! This cannot be! I would never have wanted you to share in my punishment. My love, what have you done?
