How things were set into motion, meaning how it came to be that I was living in Barcelona, meant that I had to look back almost a decade, to the late 1990's when I felt the first pull toward the continent. I was in college and learned about study abroad, sanctioned by an institute of higher learning. By this point I had already managed to live the city and found a home in an idyllic liberal arts school setting, and now they were opening the world to me. I couldn't get a passport fast enough.
Yes, I was from what some considered the center of the universe but I'd never left the country. I didn't count the dorm trip I'd taken to Montreal when I was an RA. Though that was the time I danced in a cage after down more tequila shots than I'd ever had in my life. But this was different, I would be in another time zone on truly foreign soil.
Of course, this being me I was still escaping, but what? Well, since I'd come to college there was the issue of my "old friends", high school pals. I had the kind of friends that you knew would be around forever in some way, this was before social networking became a buzzword, at the dawn of email, so you had to really make an effort to stay in people's lives and we did to an extent. Yet, there would be a permanent hole in the relationship I had with this tight knit group. I didn't care as much as I used to, not because I was suddenly this callous teen, it was just that I was surrounded by new people and ideas and I was figuring out who I was without that safety net that I'd had for the past 2-3 years of my life.
Another element was the boyfriend, we were or would be soon on a "break" of the Ross and Rachel variety. Long distance, resentments, drunken late night phone calls. I was tired of it all, tired of feeling guilty, like I was leaving people behind and just getting on with my life. It was a selfishness that I hadn't really indulged in ever and I was struggling to become independent, not from my family, but from the family of friends that I'd created. I had to give myself this chance to go beyond to break free of everything and everyone (sound familiar?, this will become a recurring theme). So I was off to the old world, Europa, and all that she had to offer. I didn't know what I might find, who I would become, but it was the beginning of the thread of an idea that I would become fully realized in another country, that I would break free of the constraints and fears that I'd harbored for so long. I would embark on a fantastic adventure and it was something that would be mine and mine alone.
Yes, I was from what some considered the center of the universe but I'd never left the country. I didn't count the dorm trip I'd taken to Montreal when I was an RA. Though that was the time I danced in a cage after down more tequila shots than I'd ever had in my life. But this was different, I would be in another time zone on truly foreign soil.
Of course, this being me I was still escaping, but what? Well, since I'd come to college there was the issue of my "old friends", high school pals. I had the kind of friends that you knew would be around forever in some way, this was before social networking became a buzzword, at the dawn of email, so you had to really make an effort to stay in people's lives and we did to an extent. Yet, there would be a permanent hole in the relationship I had with this tight knit group. I didn't care as much as I used to, not because I was suddenly this callous teen, it was just that I was surrounded by new people and ideas and I was figuring out who I was without that safety net that I'd had for the past 2-3 years of my life.
Another element was the boyfriend, we were or would be soon on a "break" of the Ross and Rachel variety. Long distance, resentments, drunken late night phone calls. I was tired of it all, tired of feeling guilty, like I was leaving people behind and just getting on with my life. It was a selfishness that I hadn't really indulged in ever and I was struggling to become independent, not from my family, but from the family of friends that I'd created. I had to give myself this chance to go beyond to break free of everything and everyone (sound familiar?, this will become a recurring theme). So I was off to the old world, Europa, and all that she had to offer. I didn't know what I might find, who I would become, but it was the beginning of the thread of an idea that I would become fully realized in another country, that I would break free of the constraints and fears that I'd harbored for so long. I would embark on a fantastic adventure and it was something that would be mine and mine alone.
