Some times you have setbacks, particularly when it comes to love (or infatuation). You can go days, months, weeks without thinking of that person and then, BAM! There you are, caught up in a fantasy of getting married on a hill in Sintra right before the perfect sunset all because you watched WEtv. Damn that channel and its obsession with all things bridal. You realize that you haven't progressed and that you can still get caught up in the movie world fantasy. And then you berate yourself for being such a dolt,for allowing yourself to go back to that place after all this time.
It's not right and you want to cry. Maybe it's the holidays, that uncertain time between Christmas and New Year's when you are evaluating everything and wondering why you still haven't found the right one or the right job or anything and just hoping against hope that the next year bears more fruit than the last.
So I will chalk this wedding fantasy up to this crazy time of year. And cry silently in my bed during the in between hours of the night some place between sleep and dreams and wish that the next year is better. And not dwell on the one that got away. I'll continue to boldly assert if asked that he no longer matters and that I don't long to be held tightly against his chest and feel that all can be right in the world, if only we were together (see: this is what I mean, melodramatic isn't it?)
Damn pictures that bring back a flood of memories. Because no matter how long I stare at ginjha bars and perfect sunsets he is not with me and does not know of the torch that I carry. Pride won't let me show it and I press on, strive to move past something that never truly was. Is this the plight of one with an over active imagination? Destined to be disappointed because she can always conjure up something bigger and better than what is available?
I'll put a damp face cloth over my eyes to keep down the puffiness. Scream into my pillow and then hold onto it for dear life and gently fall back into a fitful sleep. The morning will come and with it logic, resolve and a tugging on the heart of times past. Is this what it means to be a grown-up? Accepting what we can not have or change and thriving, okay maybe not thriving but moving on and clinging to what is tangible and letting go of Peter Pan flights of fancy. I don't know that I like it but it is what am a going to do because right now there are no other options. At least where he and I are concerned. So I am a full grown woman crying into her pillow and clinging to it a teddy bear. DameDAMN WE TV!
It's not right and you want to cry. Maybe it's the holidays, that uncertain time between Christmas and New Year's when you are evaluating everything and wondering why you still haven't found the right one or the right job or anything and just hoping against hope that the next year bears more fruit than the last.
So I will chalk this wedding fantasy up to this crazy time of year. And cry silently in my bed during the in between hours of the night some place between sleep and dreams and wish that the next year is better. And not dwell on the one that got away. I'll continue to boldly assert if asked that he no longer matters and that I don't long to be held tightly against his chest and feel that all can be right in the world, if only we were together (see: this is what I mean, melodramatic isn't it?)
Damn pictures that bring back a flood of memories. Because no matter how long I stare at ginjha bars and perfect sunsets he is not with me and does not know of the torch that I carry. Pride won't let me show it and I press on, strive to move past something that never truly was. Is this the plight of one with an over active imagination? Destined to be disappointed because she can always conjure up something bigger and better than what is available?
I'll put a damp face cloth over my eyes to keep down the puffiness. Scream into my pillow and then hold onto it for dear life and gently fall back into a fitful sleep. The morning will come and with it logic, resolve and a tugging on the heart of times past. Is this what it means to be a grown-up? Accepting what we can not have or change and thriving, okay maybe not thriving but moving on and clinging to what is tangible and letting go of Peter Pan flights of fancy. I don't know that I like it but it is what am a going to do because right now there are no other options. At least where he and I are concerned. So I am a full grown woman crying into her pillow and clinging to it a teddy bear. DameDAMN WE TV!
