I'm a daydreamer. One of the first dreams I ever remember having, was being on the grass, running free. I think I was 4. I want to be free that way. I want to leave behind everything, and just run free. I had this one day dream today, where I was in this dress. It was white, and made of silk. It flowed past my feet, dragging on the dirty floor and becoming muddied. I was on a cliff, and I walked off and just fell, for a very long time. Then I was done. No more thoughts no more words. It scares me that I might be suicidal, that I might be mentally unhinged in some sort of way. But I just feel weak, weaker than I ever have before. I wrote this short story once, I was told it was beautiful. It was a girl and her mental struggle, or her struggle with the ghost of someone she once knew. I wanted to drown her in the end. I never did, I just left her there in the cold, me in the cold. Something in me wants to feel the cold. Nostalgia. I'm nostalgic for the fall, or the winter. The crispness of it think, or maybe because I just want this life to be over with. I want to feel water envelope me, water to eventually stifle all life within in me. So that for a few seconds just before my death, I would experience such a feeling of wonderment. Music would play, the most beautiful. I would dance in the water and then finally I'd be gone. In euphoria, one never stops to realize just how euphoric their world is. Why is that one has to suffering to recognize the extreme beauty of this world. The heart-breaking picturesque moments of life. As I'm crying, I'm thinking to myself, why can we cry? why do we feel such intense emotions with complex thoughts. I'm just an animal.