Mornings
Today, I got up at about 9:30. I tried to hide my phone under my pillow, because my roommate was up and I didn't want her to see that I slept with it on the bed, portraying that I was overly dependent on it. I don't think I am, which is reason enough for me to not want her to think so, as opposed to trying to hide the fact. I just like there to be something in the bed that I can hold, especially while my boyfriend is in Boston.
I usually sleep holding something, like my pillow or my bear. In fact, it's almost necessary for me to go to sleep. I'm 19 years old.
One time, I woke up in the middle of the night, scared sleepless by the thought of the Rabbit from Donny Darko, and as I clutched my bear, I kept thinking that it was a rabbit, and how ironic it was that I had a rabbit in my arms when I had a nightmare about it. When it was morning, I realized that it as still a bear, and not a rabbit. However, by that time, my bear had fallen off the bed. Yesterday I dreamed that I had fallen into a pool with a shark. It ate me. I die frequently in my dreams, I just don't feel it; I know it. I let it happen, but disconnect from the dream because I don't want to feel the pain or go through the ordeal of dreaming up either the death experience, purgatory or whatever. I just...die and watch it and allow myself to change dreams. I dream lucidly of things that I cannot change. It's like watching a movie that I'm in. I know it isn't real, but that doesn't mean it won't scare the shit out of me or ruin my night. I can't change the story, I can just watch it unfold from my imagination, in which I usually, and uncontrollably, think up the worst possible scenarios, and then make them come true.
Two nights ago, I dreamed that the zombie apocalypse happened. My mom, dad and I were the only ones left. Zombies were everywhere. I knew I was about to die, so I went right to them. One saw me and starting running towards me, attracting the attention of all the others. I did it so that my dream parents might have a little more time before being cannibalized. But I knew that this dream's ending would happen with the death of us all and the prevailing of the zombies. How do I know that? Because I chose it.
Today, I got up at about 9:30. I tried to hide my phone under my pillow, because my roommate was up and I didn't want her to see that I slept with it on the bed, portraying that I was overly dependent on it. I don't think I am, which is reason enough for me to not want her to think so, as opposed to trying to hide the fact. I just like there to be something in the bed that I can hold, especially while my boyfriend is in Boston.
I usually sleep holding something, like my pillow or my bear. In fact, it's almost necessary for me to go to sleep. I'm 19 years old.
One time, I woke up in the middle of the night, scared sleepless by the thought of the Rabbit from Donny Darko, and as I clutched my bear, I kept thinking that it was a rabbit, and how ironic it was that I had a rabbit in my arms when I had a nightmare about it. When it was morning, I realized that it as still a bear, and not a rabbit. However, by that time, my bear had fallen off the bed. Yesterday I dreamed that I had fallen into a pool with a shark. It ate me. I die frequently in my dreams, I just don't feel it; I know it. I let it happen, but disconnect from the dream because I don't want to feel the pain or go through the ordeal of dreaming up either the death experience, purgatory or whatever. I just...die and watch it and allow myself to change dreams. I dream lucidly of things that I cannot change. It's like watching a movie that I'm in. I know it isn't real, but that doesn't mean it won't scare the shit out of me or ruin my night. I can't change the story, I can just watch it unfold from my imagination, in which I usually, and uncontrollably, think up the worst possible scenarios, and then make them come true.
Two nights ago, I dreamed that the zombie apocalypse happened. My mom, dad and I were the only ones left. Zombies were everywhere. I knew I was about to die, so I went right to them. One saw me and starting running towards me, attracting the attention of all the others. I did it so that my dream parents might have a little more time before being cannibalized. But I knew that this dream's ending would happen with the death of us all and the prevailing of the zombies. How do I know that? Because I chose it.
