Sometimes, especially when I'm alone, I narrate my life like a novel. I like to think that way, and sometimes I feel like that is my sign that I should write a book. Then I realize that, probably, if I wrote everything down, it would seem more like a trash novel. Not a sexy one, or an action one, just one of those female-discovery ones that only slightly insecure women read. I like women, but I don't understand them, just like I don't understand myself. I don't get my feminine tendencies, but I like the ones that counter my sex. I like bugs, and I pretend to like them even more than I do. I don't paint my toenails, even though I sometimes want to paint them deep red. Spelling matters to me, but I realize that communication is really about getting whatever message you desire across, and though no words are perfect descriptors, spelling is completely irrelevant as long as communication has occurred effectively. It's just a tool, like a wrench, and if you can do the job without the wrench, no one is going to judge you for not using it. But I'll judge you for misspelling, and judge myself for judging you in the process. I've misspelled several words in the process of writing this, and compulsively gone back to correct them. Sometimes, it takes me several tries.
I hate the word "restaurant" because I can't ever get it right the first time I try to write it. Except that I did that time, because I was thinking about it, and how counter intuitive it is to spell, and why I dislike it. So I got it right. I want writing to be cathartic for me. I'd also like to be famous and make money off of it, but I don't like people thinking that because they read what I've written about myself, they know who I am. I'm not sure I want to disclose that much about myself. How could I possibly tell people who I am, when I probably have less idea than those around me.
I'd like to be thought of as 'alternative,' while still showering on a regular basis. I want to walk around barefoot more often than with shoes.
Today, I went for a walk in flip-flops and it started to rain. My flip-flops made the squeaky noise that you are thinking of right now. Squeak squeak squeak, all the way down the street. It made me smile. I tried to stop it though, so as to not look like some stupid girl with flip-flops on, squeaking her way down the street. But I realized...that's kinda what I am. Why resist?
I hate the word "restaurant" because I can't ever get it right the first time I try to write it. Except that I did that time, because I was thinking about it, and how counter intuitive it is to spell, and why I dislike it. So I got it right. I want writing to be cathartic for me. I'd also like to be famous and make money off of it, but I don't like people thinking that because they read what I've written about myself, they know who I am. I'm not sure I want to disclose that much about myself. How could I possibly tell people who I am, when I probably have less idea than those around me.
I'd like to be thought of as 'alternative,' while still showering on a regular basis. I want to walk around barefoot more often than with shoes.
Today, I went for a walk in flip-flops and it started to rain. My flip-flops made the squeaky noise that you are thinking of right now. Squeak squeak squeak, all the way down the street. It made me smile. I tried to stop it though, so as to not look like some stupid girl with flip-flops on, squeaking her way down the street. But I realized...that's kinda what I am. Why resist?
