She read stories of heroes and lovers, princesses and common folk, and longed for her man. It seemed the desire to have him near was only present when he was gone; otherwise, she wanted her own space and was easily frustrated by his antics. She loved him -- there was no question of that, and as far as she was concerned, he was The One she would spend the rest of her life with. But there was some internal struggle keeping her fighting, day and night.
Perhaps it was a need to prove his love for her, that no matter how bad the fights got, no matter how crazy she went, he would always be there for her. That had certainly been the case in other relationships. After her first love left her for seemingly no reason, she wanted to make sure she was never caught by surprise again. If she caused the relationship to fail, at least she was in control.
Perhaps it was her insecurities that led her to be so hostile. After all, he had sent inappropriate pictures to other women before, a habit she had not forgotten. She believed him when he said he had stopped, and a few discreet glances at his email account backed up his claim. But it still stung to know he had done such things behind her back, knowing her past. Especially when she was in the hospital after trying to kill herself. That one stung the most, and had led to the most trouble when the woman he was talking with had found out about his girlfriend. She still believed that he had not slept with the woman, but again, it still stung. And she was not about to let him get away with anything like that ever again.
Perhaps she just didn't know how to love, truly. Her first relationship had stayed in the puppy-love stage for the entire year. Her second major relationship ended when he cheated on her, used her, and betrayed her. So to have a healthy, intense, committed relationship was foreign to her.
She sighed and sipped her coffee. Someday they would work things out. They were better already, and marriage was once again a common topic. If she could hold her tongue a little longer, perhaps she could get the happy ending she always wished for.
Perhaps it was a need to prove his love for her, that no matter how bad the fights got, no matter how crazy she went, he would always be there for her. That had certainly been the case in other relationships. After her first love left her for seemingly no reason, she wanted to make sure she was never caught by surprise again. If she caused the relationship to fail, at least she was in control.
Perhaps it was her insecurities that led her to be so hostile. After all, he had sent inappropriate pictures to other women before, a habit she had not forgotten. She believed him when he said he had stopped, and a few discreet glances at his email account backed up his claim. But it still stung to know he had done such things behind her back, knowing her past. Especially when she was in the hospital after trying to kill herself. That one stung the most, and had led to the most trouble when the woman he was talking with had found out about his girlfriend. She still believed that he had not slept with the woman, but again, it still stung. And she was not about to let him get away with anything like that ever again.
Perhaps she just didn't know how to love, truly. Her first relationship had stayed in the puppy-love stage for the entire year. Her second major relationship ended when he cheated on her, used her, and betrayed her. So to have a healthy, intense, committed relationship was foreign to her.
She sighed and sipped her coffee. Someday they would work things out. They were better already, and marriage was once again a common topic. If she could hold her tongue a little longer, perhaps she could get the happy ending she always wished for.
