August 18th 2010, 339am
the thing about me being funny, is that Im actually not. i say things that seem completely normal to me and you laugh. because it's funny. i laugh too, because you're laughing. but really, it's not funny. you say it's because I'm random. but i'm not that either. everything i say is carefully calculated and thoroughly thought out. its not my fault that you dont listen or pay attention or whatever it is you need to be doing to keep up with me. the thing about me being funny, well, im not funny at all.
the thing about me being happy, is that I'm actually not. i smile and you smile. i laugh and you laugh. because thats whats appropriate for the moment. and sometimes, sometimes i truly mean to smile and i really am laughing. but sometimes isnt all the time. is anyone happy all the time? is anyone actually happy any of the time? the thing about me being happy, well, im not happy at all.
the thing about me being sad is that im actually not. i think about sad things. i usually sit, pensively. i relate to you when youre sad, and that usually makes you feel better. i still sit there, pensively. not changed in thought or appearance. i dont cry. i dont frown. or pout. or weep. or pine. or do whatever it is sad people do. the thing about me being sad, well, im not sad at all.
the thing about me feeling, is i feel nothing at all. i dont feel ecstatic. i dont feel depressed. i dont even feel okay. i just feel like i am awake. i feel like im breathing and my heart is beating. that may sound like i feel a lot, but its all rather bland and boring. i dont feel like its a challenge. and i certainly dont feel like its necessarily the key to being funny. or happy. or even sad. it just is what is, and that isnt actually anything at all.
the thing about me being funny, is that Im actually not. i say things that seem completely normal to me and you laugh. because it's funny. i laugh too, because you're laughing. but really, it's not funny. you say it's because I'm random. but i'm not that either. everything i say is carefully calculated and thoroughly thought out. its not my fault that you dont listen or pay attention or whatever it is you need to be doing to keep up with me. the thing about me being funny, well, im not funny at all.
the thing about me being happy, is that I'm actually not. i smile and you smile. i laugh and you laugh. because thats whats appropriate for the moment. and sometimes, sometimes i truly mean to smile and i really am laughing. but sometimes isnt all the time. is anyone happy all the time? is anyone actually happy any of the time? the thing about me being happy, well, im not happy at all.
the thing about me being sad is that im actually not. i think about sad things. i usually sit, pensively. i relate to you when youre sad, and that usually makes you feel better. i still sit there, pensively. not changed in thought or appearance. i dont cry. i dont frown. or pout. or weep. or pine. or do whatever it is sad people do. the thing about me being sad, well, im not sad at all.
the thing about me feeling, is i feel nothing at all. i dont feel ecstatic. i dont feel depressed. i dont even feel okay. i just feel like i am awake. i feel like im breathing and my heart is beating. that may sound like i feel a lot, but its all rather bland and boring. i dont feel like its a challenge. and i certainly dont feel like its necessarily the key to being funny. or happy. or even sad. it just is what is, and that isnt actually anything at all.
