another bullshit thing happened.
I fell.
i fell on the floor. head first. I wish i was. to get over this shit and wake the fuck up.
you ever been high? i mean high like youre giggling on stuff/a person laughing so happy even if its not funny at all. I mean he wasnt joking at all or anything. fuck. yeah. Its like im on cloud nine. so high and then i forgot that everything thats goes up unfortunately has to go down. and thaaaats how i fell.
It would be an amazing thing to be in cloud nine. I love cloud nine. Its a chocolate with nougat and peanuts and yeah. anyway besides cloud nine chocolate. like being so high with a person. not high like we're on drugs or something. yeah you'll get it.
It must be so frustrating to be my brain like if it has its own life or it could walk, it definitely would pop out in my head and run away.
I sometimes want to be happy. and cloud nine happy isn't really for me. whenever i feel those emotions, reality always kicks in. pulls me back to here and now. Its safer that way. Being used to the pain. being serious all the time. depressed. those are my thing. those are my world. An escapegoat.
When youre used to feel something like pain, rejection and anger, it would be safer to stay in that phase. Being happy is dangerous what if you'll get used to it and suddenly feels sad, lonely,angry,rejected?
That's a bourgeois thing. Like its a big thing for them. i cannot even include myself cause im not one of them but my emotions are. Im tired of blaming my childhood for what i become. it doesnt always work that way. My childhood were composed of people who were actually having the same dilemma im having right now but they just handle it through sublimation. which is doing something productive like farming and household chores. and which im trying to do right now in the form of this. writing.
Ive read about cherophobia way back first year college i think. but there's this phobia that almost the same with that or i think. Its still about fearing happiness because later on you'll eventually get sad. both ways the feeling is like that. i dont wanna feel too happy because something might happen that im not prepared of and that would make me sad. it can be cured tho. its just thoughts. probably CBT or REBT.
would love to try cbt someday. Ive tried REBT and i kinda miss it but my doctor died and i missed how she taught us about it.
I have to go to school for requirements shit. Yay! Graduation.
this is how i rise up from falling and walk like nothings happened.
10-04-17 09:52am
I fell.
i fell on the floor. head first. I wish i was. to get over this shit and wake the fuck up.
you ever been high? i mean high like youre giggling on stuff/a person laughing so happy even if its not funny at all. I mean he wasnt joking at all or anything. fuck. yeah. Its like im on cloud nine. so high and then i forgot that everything thats goes up unfortunately has to go down. and thaaaats how i fell.
It would be an amazing thing to be in cloud nine. I love cloud nine. Its a chocolate with nougat and peanuts and yeah. anyway besides cloud nine chocolate. like being so high with a person. not high like we're on drugs or something. yeah you'll get it.
It must be so frustrating to be my brain like if it has its own life or it could walk, it definitely would pop out in my head and run away.
I sometimes want to be happy. and cloud nine happy isn't really for me. whenever i feel those emotions, reality always kicks in. pulls me back to here and now. Its safer that way. Being used to the pain. being serious all the time. depressed. those are my thing. those are my world. An escapegoat.
When youre used to feel something like pain, rejection and anger, it would be safer to stay in that phase. Being happy is dangerous what if you'll get used to it and suddenly feels sad, lonely,angry,rejected?
That's a bourgeois thing. Like its a big thing for them. i cannot even include myself cause im not one of them but my emotions are. Im tired of blaming my childhood for what i become. it doesnt always work that way. My childhood were composed of people who were actually having the same dilemma im having right now but they just handle it through sublimation. which is doing something productive like farming and household chores. and which im trying to do right now in the form of this. writing.
Ive read about cherophobia way back first year college i think. but there's this phobia that almost the same with that or i think. Its still about fearing happiness because later on you'll eventually get sad. both ways the feeling is like that. i dont wanna feel too happy because something might happen that im not prepared of and that would make me sad. it can be cured tho. its just thoughts. probably CBT or REBT.
would love to try cbt someday. Ive tried REBT and i kinda miss it but my doctor died and i missed how she taught us about it.
I have to go to school for requirements shit. Yay! Graduation.
this is how i rise up from falling and walk like nothings happened.
10-04-17 09:52am
