I still go home to a bed by myself. I still don't have anyone to tell my confidences to. If something were to happen or if I were to be in some sort of mental or emotional emergency, I have friends to turn to and family to turn to and I love them all for sure. But I don't really have that kind of comfort and happiness that I've come to associate with that one person you really care for and who really cares for you. And people are like, "oh you just have shit self-esteem" etc and it's all true and I agree with all of it. But if all that was true, why do I feel like I'm always doing all this work just to end up by myself. I'm tired of it. I'm not depressed, not yet at least. But I just want someone to care for and who cares. I always feel this way when I'm not in a relationship, but i miss kisses. Simple kisses that have meaning and smiles and laughter and wanting to be present around them.
w/e, I don't know what I'm doing. I'll figure something out. i tried with Marcella, that was sort of egg on my face, but I've moved on. I just need to meet people. I guess. ANd not be such a pussy and not be such an asshole in general. Probably only feels so bad because everyone around me is either in a relationship or has prospects everywhere. I'll get over it eventually, but we'll see how the next month goes.