brought low and betrayed, indeed.

chance played nasty tricks on me. my heart folded in on itself. my chest hurt with the banging of gongs. you were there, beloved; completely unexpectedly briefly there.

all those months of waiting and wishing and searching
in vain

and i looked at you and you smiled at me
time passed

and everything stayed the same

i am tired, beloved. and i am aching, bitter and sad. i am surviving, not living. i've been raised in this place and now concrete is my religion.

and you

you don't see me
you don't see me at all