I want to stop thinking about you.
I need to stop.
It can't be healthy. Having you in the back of my head, taking up space I could be using for better things... like quotes from Doctor Who or reminders to do those assignments I've put off for so long now. God, I am so going to fail that unit.
But instead there is you.
The memory of you.
Thoughts of you.
Your smile peers out at me from behind a thought about that email I sent yesterday to the various staff around the council area regarding meetings and whether or not I phrased it right and all I can see is your smile.
Your damn smile.
The memory haunts me.
It's all I have these days. You never smile around me anymore.
You never smile.
Okay. That may be an exaggeration.
But you always seem so serious these days.
And you won't look at me. You've perfected the art of looking across an entire netball court and not seeing me. Even if I'm standing right there in front of you.
You break my heart.
I wish I could say otherwise. But I'd be lying. I want to scream and say "I hate you. You bastard. You liar. You cheat. You coward." But I don't. I want to run to you, put my hands to your face, make you see me, and ask you, "Why?" Did I mean so little to you, despite your protestations otherwise, that you could walk away so easily? Were all the words you gave me lies?
You are a shard of glass in my chest. I feel you tear at me each time I breathe. I have tried to remove you but you are too slick to hold. And so I leave you there. I don't know what else to do. I need to stop thinking about you. But still you remain, in my thoughts and in my heart. I loved you. I love you still.
I need to stop.
It can't be healthy. Having you in the back of my head, taking up space I could be using for better things... like quotes from Doctor Who or reminders to do those assignments I've put off for so long now. God, I am so going to fail that unit.
But instead there is you.
The memory of you.
Thoughts of you.
Your smile peers out at me from behind a thought about that email I sent yesterday to the various staff around the council area regarding meetings and whether or not I phrased it right and all I can see is your smile.
Your damn smile.
The memory haunts me.
It's all I have these days. You never smile around me anymore.
You never smile.
Okay. That may be an exaggeration.
But you always seem so serious these days.
And you won't look at me. You've perfected the art of looking across an entire netball court and not seeing me. Even if I'm standing right there in front of you.
You break my heart.
I wish I could say otherwise. But I'd be lying. I want to scream and say "I hate you. You bastard. You liar. You cheat. You coward." But I don't. I want to run to you, put my hands to your face, make you see me, and ask you, "Why?" Did I mean so little to you, despite your protestations otherwise, that you could walk away so easily? Were all the words you gave me lies?
You are a shard of glass in my chest. I feel you tear at me each time I breathe. I have tried to remove you but you are too slick to hold. And so I leave you there. I don't know what else to do. I need to stop thinking about you. But still you remain, in my thoughts and in my heart. I loved you. I love you still.
