when i look at photographs i die thinking god how could i let that go?
why
i let him go because he let me go. he pushed me out, said he couldnt do labels
he couldn't give me anymore. anymore of himself. he said he sacrificed everything, his lifestyle.
i love him.
still. im pretty sure i will always love him. no matter what. no matter who. for love changes all sorts of ways. but this is my first love. my first downfall. the man i completely fell head over heels for, i put my whole being on the line for him, and i don't think he realized.
we were like two peices of string that could never seem to fully connect. yes, we would from time to time but it was clear that we were in different worlds with our own beliefs and thoughts about how things should be. things changed over time and even now i can't rightly just think back and reminisce about us. instead im worried im going to forget things so sometimes i force myself to remember, even the bad things. then i get angry at you and wonder why i put up with all that. then i remember it was because i put my all for you. my whole being. all the love that my 17,18 year old self could give you. i wanted to be with you, i wanted you, i wanted everything, every waking moment, and then you were in my dreams. i knew when i fell in love, i knew when i was falling, i knew when i wanted to make love, i knew when i had gotten in too deep and couldn't let myself because i loved to hard. too passionately. this is how i have learned about myself. i am a person who is loyal and will love AS FULLY AS I FUCKING CAN. FOREVER. those who are important will stay in my life because i know they have value. you will always have value. even if it seems like right now we can't be close at all, i promise we will. i need the time and space to make things not as painful. for christ sake i even look at pictures at you and start sobbing because i love you. and i wonder why and how i could ever give but. but hell im not living without regrets. i never gave you up. i never will. you will always be important. i just finally realized i needed to start doing things for myself. i was going crazy, insane with an addiction to you. you always said i was selfish, and i probably was at times, but you never realized how selfless i really was. i gave you my everything. my being. so pulling back, and seperating myself was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. ever. you sneak into my head at night for some reason. during the day i am safe and distrated, but then you pop into my thoughts and i miss you. i pine for you. i want you.iso bad
why
i let him go because he let me go. he pushed me out, said he couldnt do labels
he couldn't give me anymore. anymore of himself. he said he sacrificed everything, his lifestyle.
i love him.
still. im pretty sure i will always love him. no matter what. no matter who. for love changes all sorts of ways. but this is my first love. my first downfall. the man i completely fell head over heels for, i put my whole being on the line for him, and i don't think he realized.
we were like two peices of string that could never seem to fully connect. yes, we would from time to time but it was clear that we were in different worlds with our own beliefs and thoughts about how things should be. things changed over time and even now i can't rightly just think back and reminisce about us. instead im worried im going to forget things so sometimes i force myself to remember, even the bad things. then i get angry at you and wonder why i put up with all that. then i remember it was because i put my all for you. my whole being. all the love that my 17,18 year old self could give you. i wanted to be with you, i wanted you, i wanted everything, every waking moment, and then you were in my dreams. i knew when i fell in love, i knew when i was falling, i knew when i wanted to make love, i knew when i had gotten in too deep and couldn't let myself because i loved to hard. too passionately. this is how i have learned about myself. i am a person who is loyal and will love AS FULLY AS I FUCKING CAN. FOREVER. those who are important will stay in my life because i know they have value. you will always have value. even if it seems like right now we can't be close at all, i promise we will. i need the time and space to make things not as painful. for christ sake i even look at pictures at you and start sobbing because i love you. and i wonder why and how i could ever give but. but hell im not living without regrets. i never gave you up. i never will. you will always be important. i just finally realized i needed to start doing things for myself. i was going crazy, insane with an addiction to you. you always said i was selfish, and i probably was at times, but you never realized how selfless i really was. i gave you my everything. my being. so pulling back, and seperating myself was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. ever. you sneak into my head at night for some reason. during the day i am safe and distrated, but then you pop into my thoughts and i miss you. i pine for you. i want you.iso bad
