I saw him again, for the first time in so long. And then I saw him again, just last night. I was sure he was using me. And then I wasn't so sure, and then all I knew was that I missed him hard, and even if I was being used, surely I'd like it, because he's so funny and smart and interesting and an all around pleasure to be around with anyway, right? Right?
I'll say this. He's a bisexual lawyer who is seven years my senior. I'm a 24 year-old, post grad, semi-dead beat working at a used book store and living with my parents, trying to save up enough money to move out, maybe, someday...
And I believe with all my heart that only in city like Dallas could two beautiful people like us ever find each other and connect.
I know. If you're getting used, if it's only sex, if he's not 100% into girls, how can this be a connection?
I don't go by the depth of the connection. I go by the frequency of those Eye-Catch, You-Get-It,-Right? moments. Please know what I'm talking about. You've felt it too, right, when you're talking or someone is talking at you, and the two of you recognize the same thing at once: maybe it's something one of you said, maybe it's a conversation from another table within earshot, and you stare for a milisecond, and the depth of that stare says all that there needs to be aid, and it's either hilarious, terrifying, heartbreaking, infuriating or beautiful.
Today, over mimosas at 10:00 AM, it worked: it must have happened like four times. And happened with such frequency I was willing to forgive his dalliances. Har, that's a laugh. He told me he was trying to make out with somebody named Justin the other night.
"But I can do better, right?" he asked.
I feigned a look that signified utter crestfallen-ness. But I wasn't really feigning. It made him laugh.
"I didn't mean it like that," he said.
I'll say this. He's a bisexual lawyer who is seven years my senior. I'm a 24 year-old, post grad, semi-dead beat working at a used book store and living with my parents, trying to save up enough money to move out, maybe, someday...
And I believe with all my heart that only in city like Dallas could two beautiful people like us ever find each other and connect.
I know. If you're getting used, if it's only sex, if he's not 100% into girls, how can this be a connection?
I don't go by the depth of the connection. I go by the frequency of those Eye-Catch, You-Get-It,-Right? moments. Please know what I'm talking about. You've felt it too, right, when you're talking or someone is talking at you, and the two of you recognize the same thing at once: maybe it's something one of you said, maybe it's a conversation from another table within earshot, and you stare for a milisecond, and the depth of that stare says all that there needs to be aid, and it's either hilarious, terrifying, heartbreaking, infuriating or beautiful.
Today, over mimosas at 10:00 AM, it worked: it must have happened like four times. And happened with such frequency I was willing to forgive his dalliances. Har, that's a laugh. He told me he was trying to make out with somebody named Justin the other night.
"But I can do better, right?" he asked.
I feigned a look that signified utter crestfallen-ness. But I wasn't really feigning. It made him laugh.
"I didn't mean it like that," he said.
