I had a dream today. It was both hopeful and hopeless, if that even makes sense.

I dreamed of him. I added a note to his box and handed it to him on the table. I made eye contact and he smiled. I wasn't sure why but so did I. I forced a smile to show him I'm happy. I pretended, once again, to be happy. He smiled and said "Why didn't we try sort it out before? Why did we have to be childish about it?" I tried to force a smile again but I couldn't. My eyes were filled with confusion as he stood up and reached for my hand.

I avoided it and stood up. He waited until I got up and walked away. I followed him, confused and frustrated, I couldn't think of anything to say. He started talking. I could barely remember this part. It's just frustrating trying to remember what he said. All I know was that he wanted to fix this problem. He wanted us to be okay again. I tried to understand it but I couldn't. At this point, I knew I was dreaming. I frowned and lost any hope of this ever happening. I didn't want to wake up.

I forced myself to keep dreaming. I wanted to tell him everything I felt and I wanted to hear him answer my questions. Once again, I couldn't get an answer. I was left wondering and questioning the situation. I felt that same pain in my heart that I felt when I gave him his belongings back and as he said "Oh thanks." my heart flinched at the pain once more.

I need to let go but I can feel myself refusing to do so.