snippet from untitled writing
untitled writing
I can see the last line of the last (and first) page I wrote. I can only guess that this was around the time I was dating Quinnton and I had Wrecks. I have changed a lot since then.

It's funny how you realize things as you grow. I feel I have morphed in the last four years so much... I have done a lot of growing. A lot of it has taken too long to happen. How was I so ignorant of all that there was to know? I thought I was wise, I still think I was. In a world-view way. But I am a dreamer. It's hard for me to understand real work. Unstressed. How do I move without a giant stone ball behind me. And how am I so happy living that way? And am I actually happy? I am. But the reason why I question is because of my recent dive back into the deep end of church life. I went back because I know it's what I want for my life, but it's weird feeling like before diving back, it's not like I haven't been happy. I've been very happy, and very successful. My life has been exciting and promising, so it's weird putting myself in church not because of belief (because as established I believe and want to be closer to God), but because I'm putting myself in a situation where I fall short when things are going so well. Maybe that's why! It's an area that I know needs improvement. Though I struggle with hard work I'm constantly challanging myself. Weird right? Well actually that's right too... Instead of dealing with my work I was daydreaming of the next challenge so it's another way of procrastinating? Point is though, that Paul gave a great sermon last week... Maybe you've been successful, but I've been heading in a direction that is putting me further from where I can succeed in my God given talents FOR Him... I think I should minister. I feel it. I also feel a connection with Andi Andrew. She's touched by God I'm sure a ton of people feel that connection, but I think my case is special. Just another way to show you how egocentric I am (human right?). But just maybe God wants me to feel this way. I have a crazy story. A few of them. My life hasn't been this trying for no reason. I feel as though I need to help women with something. Young women. Teens? I see myself preaching a sermon. Somewhere that looks like suburban, where I first meet Kacy Truman? what was her name... ? I can see me speaking to a group of people. Saying something personal, but finally making a breakthrough. Hmm..

Well this is my page today. Ho


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